The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The author concludes that the first-born monkey produce high level of cortisol. This conclusion is based on unclear studies. He/She showed up with very narrow prospect of study, so it is not reliable to assert anything upon this.
The author is concluding based on studies which has based merely on eighteen rhesus monkey, there is no proof that all rhesus monkey will show same clues on effects of birth order. Further he/she has added with a specific example (encounter with unfamiliar monkey) in which author has talked about only the first-born infant. It does not imply that the same behavior will be exhibited by grownups. And it is related to a particular type of situation.
Further the author provides an example of first-born human behavior in stimulating situation, which is totally irrelevant. How study for a human can be related to the rhesus monkey? And if we assume to be related again it provides proof for a particular type of situation only.
Another part of study give information of first time mother monkey, again it is not much relevant with the conclusion. There is not much information in study which allows us to relate the behavior of first time mother monkey with first born monkey.
It is much clear from this, that author has selected a study which provide an incomplete information. Due to which author’s conclusion cannot be verified. So the author should select a study which gives information related to rhesus monkey’s behavior in general and in different type of situations. Then only the conclusion can be provided with a proof.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 265 350
No. of Characters: 1274 1500
No. of Different Words: 128 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.035 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.808 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.532 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 94 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 62 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 45 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 26 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.562 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.586 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.375 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.367 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.593 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.146 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 85, Rule ID: CD_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun 'monkey' seems to be countable, so consider using: 'monkeys'.
Suggestion: monkeys
...ich has based merely on eighteen rhesus monkey, there is no proof that all rhesus monk...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, if, so, then, in general
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 12.9520958084 46% => OK
Conjunction : 3.0 11.1786427146 27% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 19.0 28.8173652695 66% => OK
Preposition: 37.0 55.5748502994 67% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 16.3942115768 43% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1325.0 2260.96107784 59% => More number of characters wanted.
No of words: 263.0 441.139720559 60% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.03802281369 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.02706775958 4.56307096286 88% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.6876401044 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 132.0 204.123752495 65% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.501901140684 0.468620217663 107% => OK
syllable_count: 411.3 705.55239521 58% => syllable counts are too short.
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 2.0 8.76447105788 23% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 0.0 4.22255489022 0% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 16.0 22.8473053892 70% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 39.1134168157 57.8364921388 68% => OK
Chars per sentence: 82.8125 119.503703932 69% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.4375 23.324526521 70% => OK
Discourse Markers: 1.9375 5.70786347227 34% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 3.0 8.20758483034 37% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 11.0 4.67664670659 235% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.203513165469 0.218282227539 93% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0707896389583 0.0743258471296 95% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0733069761831 0.0701772020484 104% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.119217833791 0.128457276422 93% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0390472595965 0.0628817314937 62% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.5 14.3799401198 73% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 55.24 48.3550499002 114% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.66 12.5979740519 93% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.15 8.32208582834 98% => OK
difficult_words: 62.0 98.500998004 63% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 7.5 12.3882235529 61% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 11.1389221557 75% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.9071856287 67% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.