The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The letter introduced a study regarding the effects of the birth control on an individual’s levels of stimulation. The experiment use rhesus monkeys as a subject and provide evidence hoping to convince the reader about the valid of the experiment. However, the evidence provided in the argument is rife with holes and unwarranted assumption. There are many ways one could attack the author’s claim due to weak assumptions given by the author.
First, the author assumes that the rise in cortisol hormones must be the effect of an increased in levels of stimulation. Despite the fact that this is a main driven point as the experiment show the different of cortisol between firstborn and others, the author failed to prove that the rise in hormones found in these monkeys is only possible due to the increase level of stimulation. For instance, one could argue that the higher hormones level is only due to the fact that firstborn’s physical body is able to produce more hormones compared to their siblings. So even if all of the siblings encountered the same situation and experience the same level of stimulations, the firstborn would have higher hormones level. This explains why the firstborn could have higher levels of hormones, yet undermine the author’s claim that the order of birth effects the level’s of stimulations.
In addition to flawed assumptions about the relationship between the rise of cortisol hormones and level of alertness, the author assumes that the result of the study is valid. Yet, the author gives no further support regarding the validity aspect of the experiment. While the author did gave us the number of monkeys being tested on, which is eighteen, the sample size of the experiment does no seems to be enough for the test to be taken seriously. It might be the case that the monkeys selected for test just happened to have the characteristics listed in the letter, but is not a good representation of the overall monkeys, which might not have the same behavior of stimulation shown in the experiment. There might be some bias regarding the monkey selection which would lead to false representative of the experimenting group. Concluding the experiment just from eighteen monkeys seems unconvincing.
Another assumption made by the author is that the higher levels of cortisol in the first-time mother shows is a good explanations on how the first born would have higher level of stimulations. The assumption is not logically sound due to many logical flawed. First, the rise in level of cortisol might be caused from external factor. For instance, the first-time mother might feel more anxious as they never have been through pregnant process before, thus would have higher level of stimulation. After the first time, it is then not surprising if the mother would have less stimulation level as they were more familiar with the process. In addition, age is also another important factor that the author did not take into the consideration. The mother of any species would have been younger when they have their first child. If the hormone level is correlated to the age of the mother, then this would undermine this assumption of the author.
As a conclusion, the argument made by the author is not convincing as the author failed to provided a reasonable relationship between rise of cortisol hormones and the level of stimulation, the credibility of the result of the experiment, and alternatives reasons that can caused first born mother to have higher cortisol. Ultimately, if the author provides evidence to supports each of the assumptions, such as increase levels of stimulation would leads to higher level of hormones, or how the experiment done on eighteen monkeys can be trusted, then the argument would have been more convincing.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 25 15
No. of Words: 626 350
No. of Characters: 3096 1500
No. of Different Words: 239 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.002 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.946 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.716 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 215 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 157 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 121 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 70 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.04 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.445 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.76 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.353 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.528 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.139 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 580, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
... compared to their siblings. So even if all of the siblings encountered the same situation...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 289, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'did' requires the base form of the verb: 'give'
Suggestion: give
...of the experiment. While the author did gave us the number of monkeys being tested o...
^^^^
Line 5, column 397, Rule ID: DOES_NP_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'seem'?
Suggestion: seem
...e sample size of the experiment does no seems to be enough for the test to be taken s...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 397, Rule ID: DOES_X_HAS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'seem'? As 'do' is already inflected, the verb cannot also be inflected.
Suggestion: seem
...e sample size of the experiment does no seems to be enough for the test to be taken s...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 118, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'explanation'?
Suggestion: explanation
...n the first-time mother shows is a good explanations on how the first born would have higher...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 450, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: 'lead'
Suggestion: lead
...as increase levels of stimulation would leads to higher level of hormones, or how the...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, regarding, so, then, thus, while, for instance, in addition, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 19.6327345309 143% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 20.0 12.9520958084 154% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 13.6137724551 110% => OK
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 87.0 55.5748502994 157% => OK
Nominalization: 36.0 16.3942115768 220% => Less nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3187.0 2260.96107784 141% => OK
No of words: 626.0 441.139720559 142% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.0910543131 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.00199880112 4.56307096286 110% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.91199861554 2.78398813304 105% => OK
Unique words: 254.0 204.123752495 124% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.405750798722 0.468620217663 87% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 996.3 705.55239521 141% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 15.0 8.76447105788 171% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 19.7664670659 126% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 67.1638712404 57.8364921388 116% => OK
Chars per sentence: 127.48 119.503703932 107% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.04 23.324526521 107% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.96 5.70786347227 69% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 12.0 6.88822355289 174% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.166004414658 0.218282227539 76% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0584975517438 0.0743258471296 79% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0669587138352 0.0701772020484 95% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.114245767066 0.128457276422 89% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0511057510694 0.0628817314937 81% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.1 14.3799401198 105% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.54 12.5979740519 100% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.0 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 124.0 98.500998004 126% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.