The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.
"Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a large customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all subjects. Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced its intention to open a Collegeville store. Monarch Books should open its own in-store café in the space currently devoted to children's books. Given recent national census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children's books are likely to decline. By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean."
According to the passage, the author asserts that Monarch Book should replace current children’s book section to in-store café so that Monarch book can increase profits and win in competition with Book and Bean book store. However, the author’s suggestion should be questioned and examined with more evidence since there seems to be many problems with such conclusion.
To begin with, the author claims to introduce in-store café after announcement of Book and Bean’s intention to open a Collegeville store which is considered to be a new threat to Monarch Books. However, this may not be the case. This is because there is no evidence to predict the success of Book and Bean. The author is worrying about the arrival of Bean and Book in Collegeville, however, this is not an actual plan but only ‘intention’ to open a bookstore. Not only that, there is no evidence whether Book and Bean was successful in bookstore business in other regions. Monarch Books may have more market shares in bookstore business so that the arrival of Book and Bean in Collegeville cannot be regarded as a threat. Additionally, even though it was successful in other area, there is no guarantee that Book and Bean would be successful in Collegeville. Thus, before considering the actual market share and how successful the Book and Bean in other area and more concrete data to predict the success of Book and Bean in Collegeville, introducing an in-store café might be a hasty conclusion.
Moreover, it is assumed that the sales of children’s book will decrease due to significant population decline under age ten which supports for the replacement of children’s book section into in-store café. However, this argument should be taken into consideration. Merely the fact that national census data that population of children is declining does not explain the sales scales for children’s books. Today’s parents may spend more money on the children’s education compared to the past. In the past decade, the education rate was lower and many children, especially girls, could not access to educational opportunity. The absolute number of children may have been decreased, however, when considering the actual number of who is accessible to such material may have been increased. Moreover, parents may buy more books for a single child. And Collegeville can be a town where the population of children is relatively high compared to average population. Therefore, further information should be provided on the actual readership of children including the features of Collegeville’s children.
Finally, the argument rests on the assumption that opening an in-store café, instead of current children’s book section, can increase profits; however, it needs to be examined with further evidence. When considering the cost of running café such as the remodeling cost and the paid labor for café workers, Monarch Books may not earn profits. Not only that, Monarch Book’s customers might have been attracted by its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books. If Monarch Book changes into café, customers may feel disturbed by the café and find reformed bookstore unpleasant. Also, one of the attractive features of Monarch, the diversity of book genre, may get lost. Hence, replacing children’s book section into café should be dealt seriously in order to maintain Monarch Book’s existing customers.
In conclusion, the author needs to reconsider his/her argument since there are some unconvincing warrants in the suggestions. To make it worthy, the author should examine the position that Monarch Book has in bookstore market, analysis on the competitor and further information on children’s readership.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 27 15
No. of Words: 588 350
No. of Characters: 3026 1500
No. of Different Words: 243 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.924 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.146 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.785 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 222 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 185 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 131 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 84 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.778 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.927 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.704 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.327 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.519 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.108 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, hence, however, if, may, moreover, so, therefore, thus, in conclusion, such as, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 30.0 19.6327345309 153% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 24.0 12.9520958084 185% => OK
Conjunction : 20.0 11.1786427146 179% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 86.0 55.5748502994 155% => OK
Nominalization: 28.0 16.3942115768 171% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3199.0 2260.96107784 141% => OK
No of words: 587.0 441.139720559 133% => OK
Chars per words: 5.44974446337 5.12650576532 106% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.9222030514 4.56307096286 108% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.1829256744 2.78398813304 114% => OK
Unique words: 258.0 204.123752495 126% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.439522998296 0.468620217663 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 974.7 705.55239521 138% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 27.0 19.7664670659 137% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 50.6712960848 57.8364921388 88% => OK
Chars per sentence: 118.481481481 119.503703932 99% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.7407407407 23.324526521 93% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.18518518519 5.70786347227 73% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 0.0 5.25449101796 0% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 9.0 6.88822355289 131% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.257050771898 0.218282227539 118% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0867132530968 0.0743258471296 117% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0833949359107 0.0701772020484 119% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.162150245755 0.128457276422 126% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.072563991411 0.0628817314937 115% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.1 14.3799401198 105% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 41.7 48.3550499002 86% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.33 12.5979740519 114% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.28 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 134.0 98.500998004 136% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.