The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
“A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe’s jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is ‘Jazz Nightly,’ which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money.”
According to the application, the author concludes that their new jazz music club, opening in the city of Monroe, will be a profitable endeavor. The author comes to this conclusion based on jazz’s presumed popularity in the city as well as a recent nationwide survey on typical fan’s expenditure on jazz entertainment. While the author’s assertion could prove true, there are three questions that needs to be addressed.
First of all, the author assumes that 100,000 is a huge number and this number comprise the big portion of the population of Monroe. Perhaps Monroe is a highly dense city and this number is less than 1 percent of the total population of the Monroe. It might be possible that these people who attended Monroe’s Jazz festival actually came there just to hang out. If it is true that the number presented is not significant as compared to the Monroe’s total population, then the author’s prediction is greatly weakened.
Second of all, the author assumes that owing homes by some of the Jazz musicians in Monroe city will actually increase the popularity of Jazz music in Monroe. Perhaps the jazz musician who own home in Monroe live in their home which is located at some other expensive city. It might be possible that, even if they actually live in the home situated in Monroe, these musicians might be so busy that they rarely come home for staying. If it is true that the owing home in Monroe doesn’t increase the popularity of Jazz music in the city, then the author’s anticipation is significantly weakened.
In conclusion, the author may be correct in predicting that the their new jazz music club in Monroe will be lucrative business. However, as it stands now, the prediction rest on three unwarranted assumptions that dramatically hinder its validity. If the author would like to increase the persuasiveness of his conclusion, he needs to answer the three questions above.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2023-08-23 | dhruv7315 | 78 | view |
| 2023-08-22 | anupad1 | 71 | view |
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| 2023-07-30 | nadiaaref | 30 | view |
| 2023-06-27 | shubham1102 | 65 | view |
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 323 350
No. of Characters: 1548 1500
No. of Different Words: 150 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.239 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.793 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.649 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 104 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 74 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 60 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.071 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.079 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.786 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.409 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.409 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.154 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 309, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... that these people who attended Monroe’s Jazz festival actually came there just t...
^^
Line 3, column 55, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
... the author assumes that owing homes by some of the Jazz musicians in Monroe city will ac...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 62, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...thor assumes that owing homes by some of the Jazz musicians in Monroe city will...
^^
Line 3, column 72, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...es that owing homes by some of the Jazz musicians in Monroe city will actually i...
^^^
Line 4, column 61, Rule ID: DT_PRP[1]
Message: Possible typo. Did you mean 'the' or 'their'?
Suggestion: the; their
...uthor may be correct in predicting that the their new jazz music club in Monroe will be l...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, first, however, if, may, second, so, then, well, while, in conclusion, as well as, first of all, it is true
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 2.0 11.1786427146 18% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 29.0 28.8173652695 101% => OK
Preposition: 40.0 55.5748502994 72% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1601.0 2260.96107784 71% => OK
No of words: 322.0 441.139720559 73% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.97204968944 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.23607819155 4.56307096286 93% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.77975292954 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 153.0 204.123752495 75% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.475155279503 0.468620217663 101% => OK
syllable_count: 495.9 705.55239521 70% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 19.7664670659 71% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 22.8675199658 57.8364921388 40% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 114.357142857 119.503703932 96% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.0 23.324526521 99% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.35714285714 5.70786347227 146% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.229947347262 0.218282227539 105% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0901782352828 0.0743258471296 121% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0689201920943 0.0701772020484 98% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.145175741297 0.128457276422 113% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0295113988825 0.0628817314937 47% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.5 14.3799401198 94% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 56.59 48.3550499002 117% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.84 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.01 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 66.0 98.500998004 67% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.