The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
A bank manager has received a proposal of a person to set up a jazz club "The C note" averring it would be prosperous in the town of Monroe. The basis of his proposal is founded in the apparent popularity of Jazz in the city and surveys of differente kinds. While this argument seems very convincing at first glance, there are critical flaws that raise doubt on the use of the evidence the author does to draw his conclusion.
The first logical weakness the argument suffers from is the fact that over 100,000 people has attended Monroe's jazz festival. This falls under the number-fallacy category and can be problematic since it is not expressed the origin of the attendants. If it turns out that the majority of the people came from other cities other than Monroe, then the argument would be enervated, but, if the majority of the attendants to the festival happen to be citizens of Monroe, Jazz will sure be very popular and the argument would be strenghtened.
Other major piece of evidence is used in a flawed manner. The fact that a jazz radial program is the highest-rated in town doesn't mean that the C note is going to have consumers. Voters of this poll might just like to listen to he music in the comfort of their house. If for example the majority of voters are senior citizens, they may not want to spend time in a club. Similarly, if the listener of the Jazz program are mostly taxi drivers, they will not have time or the means to attend the club. Therefore, this evidence is not a clear indication of the future potential of the C note club.
Finally, the author claims that a nationwide study is suitable to average Monroe city's expenditure of fans on entertainment. It falls under a part-whole fallacy. Although it is possible to compare a nationwide study's outcome to a city, nothing in the passage warrants that the study reflects the views of a small geographic region accurately. This assumption can be problematic. If Monroe doesn't have the typical jazz fans who spends $1,000 in jazz entertainment and has far-fom-the-average atypical fans who spend $50 or $100, it would result in less consumers eager to spend on the club. Moreover, the author does not inform what portion of those $1000 represents the expenditure on clubs. The whole "enterntainment" can have different parts like discs, clothes, clubs, etc. and if the jazz fans spend their money on other types of entertainment rather than clubbing, this would undermine the argument in support of seting up a new club.
In conclusion, for all of the above reason, the writer of the bank proposal has drawn a dubious conclusion. It is likely that the club makes money, however, greater evidence regarding the jazz festival, the radio program rating and the plausibility of using the survey as an analogy, has to be provided to make his argument more convincing to the reader.
- The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe."A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; t 60
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- The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe."A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; t 60
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Sentence: The basis of his proposal is founded in the apparent popularity of Jazz in the city and surveys of differente kinds.
Error: differente Suggestion: difference
Sentence: If it turns out that the majority of the people came from other cities other than Monroe, then the argument would be enervated, but, if the majority of the attendants to the festival happen to be citizens of Monroe, Jazz will sure be very popular and the argument would be strenghtened.
Error: strenghtened Suggestion: strengthened
Sentence: The whole 'enterntainment' can have different parts like discs, clothes, clubs, etc. and if the jazz fans spend their money on other types of entertainment rather than clubbing, this would undermine the argument in support of seting up a new club.
Error: enterntainment Suggestion: entertainment
Error: seting Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
Forgot to argue 'Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself'; 'several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe;'
the fourth paragraph is too long for an argument.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 500 350
No. of Characters: 2305 1500
No. of Different Words: 236 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.729 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.61 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.6 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 149 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 110 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 80 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 41 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.81 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.409 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.571 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.286 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.5 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.042 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5