The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
An applicant for a small-business loan claims to a group of developers that a jazz music club in Monroe would be profitable. They reason that being the only jazz club in the area would mean they could dominate the market. Furthermore, they state that a local summer jazz festival is popular in the are because of a turnout of 100,000 people. Finally, they assert that the highest rated radio station is jazz music. The argument fails to mention several key pieces of evidence that are integral to its evaluation. The conclusion relies on assumptions that there is no clear evidence; therefore, the argument is weak, unconvincing, and has several major flaws.
First, the writer assumes that because a jazz club in Monroe would be the sole jazz club provider in the area that this would equate to profit. Surely the ability of a company making money is more complicated than just being the only entity in a market. The writer failed to mention evidence that clearly demonstrates that market dominance would undoubtedly equal profit.
Second, this applicant claims that a summer jazz festival in the Monroe area must mean that a local jazz club would make money. This assumes that the same people who were willing to go to the jazz festival would in fact go to a smaller jazz club. In addition, the author must believe that everyone who goes to a large event during the summer would continue to come back during all seasons. The author should have provided evidence that potentially portrayed the interests of all of the people going to the large jazz festival.
Finally, the author tries to push the claim that since the highest rated radio station is jazz music in Monroe, that this demographic would undoubtedly be willing to spend money in a jazz club. He assumes that avid listeners of jazz music would equally be fervent live music listeners as well. This author should have provided evidence that indicated if listeners of jazz music on the radio would be interested in going to live music shows.
In summary, the argument heavily flawed and is unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the applicant provided all of the important relevant facts. In order to assess the merits of an argument, it is essential to have full knowledge of all of the contributing factors and pieces of evidence.
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
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flaws:
need more arguments for:
Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself.
several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe;
Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 394 350
No. of Characters: 1879 1500
No. of Different Words: 167 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.455 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.769 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.495 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 129 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 88 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 57 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 33 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.7 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.149 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.378 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.585 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.155 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5