The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In the argument, the author suggests that a jazz music in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. However, the additional evidence is needed to be validate the conclusion.
First, to convince us, the author has to provide the evidence that distance is the main determinant of choosing a jazz club. However, chances are that other factors might be given higher priority than location when choosing jazz club. For example, jazz fans might prefer a club with a sense of history. In other words, a jazz club established a hundred years ago and visited by several famous jazz stars in the history might be more attractive to jazz fans than a newly opened one with a shorter distance but no history. It could also have been that due to the low income in Monroe, a jazz club with longer distance but lower price would still appeal to the local jazz fans even after the proposed jazz club opened. Without ruling out such possibilities, the author cannot convince us that the proposed jazz club will own the local market and be a tremendous success.
Second, without offering the evidence that there is over 100,000 people attending M’s annual jazz festival every year instead of last summer and the majority of these people are native inhabitants, the author fails to convince us that the conclusion that jazz is extremely popular in M is complete and substantiated. Chances are that the free ticket of last jazz festival led to over 100,000 people attending the festival last summer or the majority of these people are from other regions rather than M. Either of the scenarios, it true, would render the author’s conclusion, jazz is highly popular in M, unfounded. Therefore, a jazz music club in M may not be a profitable enterprise.
Third, another piece of evidence that is needed to strengthen the argument is that the nationwide statistic about how much money a typical money a typical jazz fan would spend on jazz entertainment per year applies equally to those jazz fans in M. Yet this might not be the case, for a variety of possible reason. For example, perhaps most people including those jazz fans in M are living in poverty, they even cannot earn their living and leave entertainment alone. Without taking into consideration such possibilities, the author fails to substantiate his claim that a jazz music club in M would be a tremendously profitable enterprise.
In sum, the author’s arguments are all unconvincing.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 413 350
No. of Characters: 1982 1500
No. of Different Words: 192 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.508 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.799 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.626 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 139 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 99 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 66 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 36 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.533 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 15.235 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.417 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.645 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.222 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 225, Rule ID: AFFORD_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the infinitive: 'to jazz'
Suggestion: to jazz
...er priority than location when choosing jazz club. For example, jazz fans might pref...
^^^^
Line 5, column 533, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'trues'?
Suggestion: trues
...her than M. Either of the scenarios, it true, would render the author’s conclusion, ...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, may, second, so, still, then, therefore, third, as to, for example, in other words
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 25.0 28.8173652695 87% => OK
Preposition: 48.0 55.5748502994 86% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2047.0 2260.96107784 91% => OK
No of words: 413.0 441.139720559 94% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.95641646489 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.50803742585 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.73712080217 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 196.0 204.123752495 96% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.474576271186 0.468620217663 101% => OK
syllable_count: 630.9 705.55239521 89% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 71.0791264334 57.8364921388 123% => OK
Chars per sentence: 120.411764706 119.503703932 101% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.2941176471 23.324526521 104% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.41176470588 5.70786347227 112% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.293678880422 0.218282227539 135% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.119915401089 0.0743258471296 161% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.080971099583 0.0701772020484 115% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.162417904944 0.128457276422 126% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0908785139736 0.0628817314937 145% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.1 14.3799401198 98% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 55.58 48.3550499002 115% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.78 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.96 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 82.0 98.500998004 83% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.