The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In the application, the developers conclude that the proposed new jazz club in Monroe would be profitable. They come to this conclusion based on the popularity of the music type in Monroe, and the nationwide survey. While the conclusion might prove true, however, in other to assess the credibility of the argument the developers need to provide three additional evidence.
First of all, the assumed that far distance between Monroe and the closest jazz club, Monroe residents will have no other option than to attend the jazz club in More, however this might not be true. Perhaps Monroe indigenes are rich and can afford to transport themselves to the jazz club outside. It is also possible that that far-distant jazz club play nice music and feature popular jazz musician who entertain their customers in a remarkable way, thereby drawing customers to them. If either of the scenario above proves true, then the authors argument that the new jazz music club in Monroe, C-Note will have a lot of customers because of the distance between Monroe and the neighboring jazz music club is untenable.
Furthermore, the author assumed that same or more number of people who attended the previous summer Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer will be willing to attend this year own. This might not be true. May be this year Monroe experience an economic hardship that will make people unable to meet up with the entrance fee. Also, it could be possible that majority of the jazz music lovers who attended the last summer annual jazz music festival are no longer living in Monroe or nearby town, and cannot travel that far distance to the Monroe for this year annual summer jazz music festival. If either of these cases proves true, then the author’s assertion that this year festival will be lucrative is seriously weakened.
Finally, the author assumed that the result of the nationwide study is scientific and reliable, nevertheless, this might not be true. Perhaps the people that carried out this study used poor system or technology thereby making numerous errors in the study. In addition to that, it could that the did the study were given incentives to mutilate the result in favour of the developers of the new jazz club in Monroe. If any of the above scenario proves true, then the authors argument is strongly hampered.
In conclusion, the author’s prediction that the proposed jazz club will bring a lot of profits may be true. However, as it stands now, the prediction rests on three unjustified assumptions that hinder its validity. If the author would like to increase the credibility of his conclusion, he needs to provide three evidence to strengthen his conclusion.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 9 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 450 350
No. of Characters: 2185 1500
No. of Different Words: 194 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.606 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.856 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.453 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 159 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 107 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 81 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.684 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.69 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.737 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.352 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.352 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.107 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 318, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: that
... jazz club outside. It is also possible that that far-distant jazz club play nice music a...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 430, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a remarkable way" with adverb for "remarkable"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
... musician who entertain their customers in a remarkable way, thereby drawing customers to them. If ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 540, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...he scenario above proves true, then the authors argument that the new jazz music club i...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 210, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[8]
Message: The proper name in singular (May) must be used with a third-person verb: 'is'.
Suggestion: is
...s year own. This might not be true. May be this year Monroe experience an economic...
^^
Line 3, column 230, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[8]
Message: The proper name in singular (Monroe) must be used with a third-person verb: 'experiences'.
Suggestion: experiences
...ht not be true. May be this year Monroe experience an economic hardship that will make peo...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 310, Rule ID: DID_PAST[1]
Message: Did you mean 'be'?
Suggestion: be
...o that, it could that the did the study were given incentives to mutilate the result...
^^^^
Line 4, column 466, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...he above scenario proves true, then the authors argument is strongly hampered. In conc...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, finally, first, furthermore, however, if, may, nevertheless, so, then, while, in addition, in conclusion, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 19.0 12.9520958084 147% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 19.0 13.6137724551 140% => OK
Pronoun: 38.0 28.8173652695 132% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 53.0 55.5748502994 95% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2240.0 2260.96107784 99% => OK
No of words: 450.0 441.139720559 102% => OK
Chars per words: 4.97777777778 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.6057793516 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.53118817559 2.78398813304 91% => OK
Unique words: 200.0 204.123752495 98% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.444444444444 0.468620217663 95% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 690.3 705.55239521 98% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 54.4063402693 57.8364921388 94% => OK
Chars per sentence: 117.894736842 119.503703932 99% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.6842105263 23.324526521 102% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.52631578947 5.70786347227 114% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.277205276971 0.218282227539 127% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0976878813925 0.0743258471296 131% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0902142453543 0.0701772020484 129% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.157501276956 0.128457276422 123% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.080378567762 0.0628817314937 128% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.9 14.3799401198 97% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 56.59 48.3550499002 117% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.9 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.04 8.32208582834 97% => OK
difficult_words: 93.0 98.500998004 94% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.