Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium—substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author of the prompt states that according to the study conducted, a large number of people who consistently consumed dairy products have a higher chance of getting bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Based on this study result, the author claims that a diet rich in dairy products containing high vitamin D and calcium that are believed to be essential substances for building and maintaining bones, on the other hand, cause the likeliness of getting bones fractures higher. In order to prove whether this argument is cogent, we need to examine some evidence including the sport activities of the participants joining the study, the participant’s level of consumption, as well as the possibility whether the participants who didn’t consume milk and dairy products consistently might or might not consume other foods and drinks containing high vitamin D and calcium.
First of all, the author appears to assume that just because the study participants consistently consume milk and dairy products, they would be difficult to get osteoporosis. Although milk and dairy products, in fact, contain such a high amount of these nutrients claimed to be essential for bones, it would be effective and efficient if we find the fact that the study participants who consumed those products regularly, actually didn’t or rarely do any sport activity in their daily live. Generally speaking, sport activities are also very essential in order to prevent any diseases related to bones, particularly bones. Despite consuming foods containing vitamin D and calcium everyday with high content, it does not necessarily mean that they could stay away from osteoporosis. In order to make those nutrients work well, they should also at least run or do jogging regularly. In such a case, the argument presented by the author would be weakened.
Turning to the second point, in addition to possibility of doing less sport activities, we should also know whether the consumption rate for foods and beverages containing calcium and vitamin D for all the study participants before rashly concluding the argument that vitamin D and calcium, on the contrary, increase the likeliness of having osteoporosis when getting older. Take, for example, the study participants might drink milk and eat dairy products too much as to cause excess nutrients, then the possibility of getting osteoporosis or other related bone diseases might be caused by this excess level. If this evidence is proven, then the validity of the argument would be apocryphal.
Last but not least, the author points out that the participants who didn’t regularly consume milk and dairy products have less chance to encounter osteoporosis because of low level of vitamin D and calcium absorbed. However, the study fails to address whether there is possibility that this study participants might consume other foods containing vitamin D and calcium or even other nutrients such as zinc that could be also advantageous in preventing osteoporosis. If the study shows that this participants who didn’t eat dairy products and drink milk regularly, in fact, get those nutrients from other food sources, then the author’s claim would be not cogent.
To put it in a nutshell, although the author has made an interesting hypothesis that vitamin D and calcium, on the other hand, would be more likely to cause osteoporosis, there are several evidence we need to examine beforehand concluding such a claim including the sport activities of the participants, the participant’s level of consumption for calcium and vitamin D, as well as the possibility whether the participants other foods and drinks containing high vitamin D and calcium. This litany of unsupported information seriously jeopardizes the argument and make the claim bereft of critical foundations. With this information in place, the argument would be not only convincing, but cogent.
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 72, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
... that according to the study conducted, a large number of people who consistently consumed dairy ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 686, Rule ID: EVERYDAY_EVERY_DAY[3]
Message: 'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean 'every day'?
Suggestion: every day
... foods containing vitamin D and calcium everyday with high content, it does not necessar...
^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 496, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
...g osteoporosis. If the study shows that this participants who didn't eat dairy ...
^^^^
Line 9, column 182, Rule ID: MANY_NN_U[8]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun evidence seems to be uncountable; consider using: 'some evidence'.
Suggestion: some evidence
...likely to cause osteoporosis, there are several evidence we need to examine beforehand concludin...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Discourse Markers used:
['actually', 'also', 'but', 'first', 'however', 'if', 'second', 'so', 'then', 'well', 'as to', 'at least', 'for example', 'in addition', 'in fact', 'such as', 'as well as', 'first of all', 'on the contrary', 'on the other hand']
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.2828854314 0.25644967241 110% => OK
Verbs: 0.145685997171 0.15541462614 94% => OK
Adjectives: 0.0792079207921 0.0836205057962 95% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0565770862801 0.0520304965353 109% => OK
Pronouns: 0.015558698727 0.0272364105082 57% => OK
Prepositions: 0.106082036775 0.125424944231 85% => OK
Participles: 0.046676096181 0.0416121511921 112% => OK
Conjunctions: 3.01648507104 2.79052419416 108% => OK
Infinitives: 0.025459688826 0.026700313972 95% => OK
Particles: 0.001414427157 0.001811407834 78% => OK
Determiners: 0.0975954738331 0.113004496875 86% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.022630834512 0.0255425247493 89% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.012729844413 0.0127820249294 100% => OK
Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 3947.0 2731.13054187 145% => OK
No of words: 622.0 446.07635468 139% => OK
Chars per words: 6.34565916399 6.12365571057 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.99398916966 4.57801047555 109% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.377813504823 0.378187486979 100% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.308681672026 0.287650121315 107% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.225080385852 0.208842608468 108% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.162379421222 0.135150697306 120% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.01648507104 2.79052419416 108% => OK
Unique words: 242.0 207.018472906 117% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.389067524116 0.469332199767 83% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
Word variations: 46.9806044196 52.1807786196 90% => OK
How many sentences: 18.0 20.039408867 90% => OK
Sentence length: 34.5555555556 23.2022227129 149% => OK
Sentence length SD: 115.14639099 57.7814097925 199% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 219.277777778 141.986410481 154% => OK
Words per sentence: 34.5555555556 23.2022227129 149% => OK
Discourse Markers: 1.11111111111 0.724660767414 153% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.14285714286 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 3.58251231527 112% => OK
Readability: 65.4237227581 51.9672348444 126% => OK
Elegance: 2.0 1.8405768891 109% => OK
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.300430520142 0.441005458295 68% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.155482234902 0.135418324435 115% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.0786739407041 0.0829849096947 95% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.595989471018 0.58762219726 101% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.173807930522 0.147661913831 118% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.147219207761 0.193483328276 76% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0896765946961 0.0970749176394 92% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.487613608308 0.42659136922 114% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.0261544172653 0.0774707102158 34% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.235902304459 0.312017818177 76% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.051778310366 0.0698173142475 74% => The ideas may be duplicated in paragraphs.
Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.33743842365 132% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.87684729064 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.82512315271 41% => OK
Positive topic words: 10.0 6.46551724138 155% => OK
Negative topic words: 5.0 5.36822660099 93% => OK
Neutral topic words: 2.0 2.82389162562 71% => OK
Total topic words: 17.0 14.657635468 116% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6 -- The score is based on the average performance of 20,000 argument essays. This e-grader is not smart enough to check on arguments.
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Note: This is not the final score. The e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.