"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
In this argument the writer based on study of one type of monkeys assume that birth order has impact on an individual's level of stimulation, then the author provides some evidence to prove this assumption about monkey and human being. In my opinion this method of research is not rational or even is not scientific and I will discuss my reasons in the following paragraphs.
First, the writer has provided just one study about one type of monkey and construct his/her assumption based on this study. In my view, this is not scientific methods for a couple of reasons. First, in this study researchers just study eighteen rhesus monkeys that is not enough for scientific conclusion. Since, this one study May has conditions that have impact on result but the researchers ignored them, hence we need to study more monkeys in different conditions.
Second, the writer tries to expand this result to other monkeys, while this method is not acceptable, since the body mechanisms of different monkeys are different and they May experience one thing but based on different mechanism. You can take dog and cat as the best example. When dogs play with human they run away, and cats when fear from human they will run away. In this example we can see easily that two familiar behavior have different mechanisms.
Third, the author believes that first born human also produce high level of cortisol when they face stimulation conditions. The writer tries to conclude that born order has impact on human's stimulation level, but this effort is not true, because the mechanism of human body is different form animals and perhaps this level of cortisol in stimulation situation may produce because of other reasons that we need to study about.
In brief, the writer has presented one argument based on mistake assumption and non-specific evidence that I removed them and if the writer answer following questions his/her argument will be stronger. First, whether there are other research about this topic? Second, how they made conclusion about other monkeys based on studying about one type of monkeys? Third., are there any independed study that show us born order has impact on cortisol level about human?
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 368 350
No. of Characters: 1789 1500
No. of Different Words: 158 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.38 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.861 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.417 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 113 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 85 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 59 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.369 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.812 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.361 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.594 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.17 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 184, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'humans'' or 'human's'?
Suggestion: humans'; human's
... conclude that born order has impact on humans stimulation level, but this effort is n...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 464, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...s impact on cortisol level about human?
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, hence, if, may, second, so, then, third, while, in brief, in my opinion, in my view
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 19.6327345309 61% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 43.0 28.8173652695 149% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 46.0 55.5748502994 83% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1838.0 2260.96107784 81% => OK
No of words: 366.0 441.139720559 83% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.0218579235 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.37391431897 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.48760101271 2.78398813304 89% => OK
Unique words: 169.0 204.123752495 83% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.46174863388 0.468620217663 99% => OK
syllable_count: 567.9 705.55239521 80% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 5.0 8.76447105788 57% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 69.7121032802 57.8364921388 121% => OK
Chars per sentence: 114.875 119.503703932 96% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.875 23.324526521 98% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.3125 5.70786347227 111% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 3.0 8.20758483034 37% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.198810752244 0.218282227539 91% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0725768240363 0.0743258471296 98% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0828405164073 0.0701772020484 118% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.12452244306 0.128457276422 97% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0640418544718 0.0628817314937 102% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.7 14.3799401198 95% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 48.3550499002 102% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.13 12.5979740519 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.88 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 73.0 98.500998004 74% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 13.0 12.3882235529 105% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.