“Recently we signed a contract with The Fly-Away Pest-Control Company to provide pest-control services at our fast-food warehouse in Palm City, but last month we discovered that over $20,000 worth of food there had been destroyed by pest damage. Meanwhile, the Buzzoff Pest-Control Company, which we have used for many years, continued to service our warehouse in Wintervale, and last month only $10,000 worth of the food stored there had been destroyed by pest damage. Even though the price charged by Fly-Away is considerably lower, our best means of saving money is to return to Buzzoff Company for all our pest-control services.”
In the given memorandum, the Vice President of a food distribution company suggests to resign their contract of pest control services with Buzzoff Company in order to save money. However, the advice given by the Vice President suffers from several un-answered questions and flaws and therefore is unconvincing and unwise as it stands. Albeit it may appear plausible at cursory glance.
To begin with, the authoe states that after signing the contract with Fly-Away Pest control services, last month, Food worth $20,000 was destroyed by pest damage. The very first question that arises is, how significant is the amount $20,000 to the company? Because if the company is quiet a big one with a total revenue of, say, $ 1 billion or more. Then $20,000 of waste should not be a big deal for it. Also, is one month of time period enough to judge the results of the pest control services. It may be possible that the pest requires a minimum time of, say, 5 weeks to die due to the pest service. Hence, I feel the author should provide more data regarding the points mentioned above.
In addition to this, the author has mentioned BuzzOff company previously used to provide services to the warehouse of Palm City for many years. And recently the food company has signed the contract with Fly-Away company. Which brings up the question that, what was the reason behind the change in Contract from BuzzOff to Fly-Away? Was it due to the financial issues? Or was it because Buzz of was no more providing service in Palm city. It might also be a case that the bugs in the warehouse were increasing day by day instead of decreasing, and hence the company needed to change the pest service company. The author should provide more information about the reason behind the removal of BuzzOff at first place.
Furthermore, The author unfairly compares the food damage reports of Wintervale to the reports of palm city. The author says, damage worth $10,000 was seen last month at Wintervale, and hence they should return to buzzOff company. The author should take in consideration that circumstances at different locations are different. By which I mean, the weather conditions, the temperature, etc. are different in Wintervale and Palm City. The bugs damaging the food might be growing more in weather conditions suitable to Palm City. And this might be a reason why last month there was a noticeable increase in damage. May be last month was quiet a hot summer month. There are various such questions arising due to lack of information provided by the author. Hence, the author should provide more information to convince his statements to me.
In conclusion, the author seems hurried to jump to the conclusion based on a series of problematic assumptions. The author should provide more clearer Information regarding the company data to convince me to change the contract and return back to BuzzOff Pest Company.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 10 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 28 15
No. of Words: 491 350
No. of Characters: 2348 1500
No. of Different Words: 222 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.707 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.782 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.527 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 179 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 124 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 73 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.536 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.84 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.679 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.287 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.347 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.091 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 2 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 76, Rule ID: ADMIT_ENJOY_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the gerund form: 'suggests resigning'.
Suggestion: suggests resigning
...resident of a food distribution company suggests to resign their contract of pest control services...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 326, Rule ID: CURRENCY_SPACE[1]
Message: The currency mark is usually written without any whitespace: '$1'.
Suggestion: $1
...a big one with a total revenue of, say, $ 1 billion or more. Then 0,000 of waste sh...
^^^
Line 6, column 138, Rule ID: MOST_COMPARATIVE[2]
Message: Use only 'clearer' (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
Suggestion: clearer
... assumptions. The author should provide more clearer Information regarding the company data ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 6, column 232, Rule ID: RETURN_BACK[1]
Message: Use simply 'return'.
Suggestion: return
... convince me to change the contract and return back to BuzzOff Pest Company.
^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, hence, however, if, may, regarding, so, then, therefore, i feel, i mean, in addition, in conclusion, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 74.0 55.5748502994 133% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2408.0 2260.96107784 107% => OK
No of words: 491.0 441.139720559 111% => OK
Chars per words: 4.90427698574 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.70728369723 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.59207469277 2.78398813304 93% => OK
Unique words: 224.0 204.123752495 110% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.456211812627 0.468620217663 97% => OK
syllable_count: 738.0 705.55239521 105% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 15.0 8.76447105788 171% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.67365269461 299% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 29.0 19.7664670659 147% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 22.8473053892 70% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 38.2654226211 57.8364921388 66% => OK
Chars per sentence: 83.0344827586 119.503703932 69% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.9310344828 23.324526521 73% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.0 5.70786347227 88% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 4.0 8.20758483034 49% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 11.0 6.88822355289 160% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 14.0 4.67664670659 299% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.335284510306 0.218282227539 154% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0862202715116 0.0743258471296 116% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0970731698699 0.0701772020484 138% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.186954130592 0.128457276422 146% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0796829943891 0.0628817314937 127% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.1 14.3799401198 70% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 63.7 48.3550499002 132% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.4 12.197005988 69% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.84 12.5979740519 86% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.68 8.32208582834 92% => OK
difficult_words: 101.0 98.500998004 103% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 11.1389221557 75% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.