The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet inappropriately from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. Installing software on company computers to detect employees' Internet use is the best way to prevent employees from wasting time on the job. It will foster a better work ethic at Climpson and improve our overall profits."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In this recommendation, the author argues that Climpson Industries should implement electronic monitoring of employees’ internet use. Although the argument may seem convincing at first, the unsubstantiated evidence lead me to conclude that the argument is flawed on many grounds. (good)
First, the author should provide evidence that spending work hours on personal or recreational activities may decrease the employees’ productivity. Humans only can concentrate on something for 4hours per day, so compulsory control of worker’s working hour may meaningless. Also, work can relieve workers and by doing some other things like internet shopping or web surfing, it might be improve employees’ productivity. Creative ideas might come out and help improve their productivity dramatically.
Furthermore, more specific evidence on monitoring of employees’ internet use is needed to determine the soundness of the conclusion. These days , almost everyone has their own mobile. Employees can be on the internet by using their mobile phones. It is also likely that employees chat with each other or be lazy. Thus, monitoring only company computers will not necessarily lead to a decline in time wasted at work.
Lastly, the author needs to supplement the argument with more concrete evidence that monitoring of employees’ internet use from their workstations can improve Climpson’s overall profits considering the cost to installing electronic monitoring system. Many of the computer software programs are expensive. Although it can increase worker’s productivity, considering the cost of installing and maintaining the monitoring system,profit might decrease. .
In conclusion, the author’s argument is unconvincing. In order to
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 286, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Good
...the argument is flawed on many grounds. good First, the author should provide evide...
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Line 2, column 464, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ductivity. Creative ideas might come out and help improve their productivity dram...
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Line 3, column 82, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...nitoring of employees' internet use is needed to determine the soundness of ...
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Line 3, column 149, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... soundness of the conclusion. These days , almost everyone has their own mobile. ...
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Line 3, column 214, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...eir own mobile. Employees can be on the internet by using their mobile phones. I...
^^
Line 4, column 303, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ny of the computer software programs are expensive. Although it can increase work...
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Line 4, column 423, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...e cost of installing and maintaining the monitoring system,profit might decrease....
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Line 4, column 442, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , profit
...g and maintaining the monitoring system,profit might decrease. . In conclusion, the ...
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Line 4, column 466, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...onitoring system,profit might decrease. . In conclusion, the author's argu...
^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, furthermore, if, lastly, may, so, thus, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 8.0 19.6327345309 41% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 5.0 13.6137724551 37% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 15.0 28.8173652695 52% => OK
Preposition: 33.0 55.5748502994 59% => More preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1516.0 2260.96107784 67% => OK
No of words: 252.0 441.139720559 57% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 6.01587301587 5.12650576532 117% => OK
Fourth root words length: 3.98428260373 4.56307096286 87% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.51542838307 2.78398813304 126% => OK
Unique words: 152.0 204.123752495 74% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.603174603175 0.468620217663 129% => OK
syllable_count: 466.2 705.55239521 66% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.8 1.59920159681 113% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 5.0 8.76447105788 57% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 15.0 22.8473053892 66% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 58.9023291135 57.8364921388 102% => OK
Chars per sentence: 94.75 119.503703932 79% => OK
Words per sentence: 15.75 23.324526521 68% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.125 5.70786347227 72% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.25449101796 171% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.379724323773 0.218282227539 174% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.123147502899 0.0743258471296 166% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.113142031083 0.0701772020484 161% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.218076520596 0.128457276422 170% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0455940717633 0.0628817314937 73% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.8 14.3799401198 103% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 39.33 48.3550499002 81% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 17.34 12.5979740519 138% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.27 8.32208582834 111% => OK
difficult_words: 78.0 98.500998004 79% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 12.5 12.3882235529 101% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.0 11.1389221557 72% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.