GMAT Crash Course in Effective Writing (V)

5b(4). Parallelism

Similar elements in a list should be in similar form.

Matching constructions must be expressed in parallel form. It is often rhetorically effective to use a particular construction several times in succession, in order to provide emphasis. Here is an example.

As a naturalist, Teddy Roosevelt made many exploration discoveries, as a military leader he helped to inspire victory in Cuba, and as a statesman he established America as a superpower.

Writers often use a parallel structure for dissimilar items.

wrong: They are sturdy, attractive, and cost only a dollar each. (The adjectives sturdy and attractive, but cannot be understood before cost only a dollar each.)

right: They are sturdy and attractive, and they cost only a dollar each.

Parallel constructions must be expressed in parallel grammatical form: all nouns, all infinitives, all gerunds, all prepositional phrases, or all clauses must agree.

wrong: All business students should learn word processing, accounting, and how to program computers.

right: All business students should learn word processing, accounting, and computer programming.

This principle applies to any words that might begin each item in a series: prepositions (in, on, by, with), articles (the, a, an), helping verbs (had, has, would) and possessives (his, her, our).

Either repeat the word before every element in a series or include it only before the first item. Anything else violates the rules of parallelism.

In effect, your treatment of the second element of the series determines the form of all subsequent elements:

wrong: He invested his money in stocks, in real estate, and a home for retired performers.

right: He invested his money in stocks, in real estate, and in a home for retired performers.

When proofreading, check that each item in the series agrees with the word or phrase that begins the series. In the above example, invested his money is the common phrase that each item shares. You would read, "He invested his money in real estate, (invested his money) in stocks, and (invested his money) in a home for retired performers."

5b5. Voice Shifting

Since you are asked to write an explanatory essay, however, an occasional self-reference may be appropriate. You may even call yourself "I" if you want, as long as you keep the number of first-
person pronouns to a minimum. Less egocentric ways of referring to the narrator include "we" and "one." If these more formal ways of writing seem stilted, stay with "I."

. In my lifetime, I have seen many challenges to the principle of free speech.
. We can see...
. One must admit...

The method of self-reference you select is called the narrative voice of your essay. Any of the above narrative voices are acceptable. Nevertheless, whichever you choose, you must be careful not to shift narrative voice in your essay. If you use "I" in the first sentence, for example, do not use "we" in a later sentence.

INCORRECT: In my lifetime, I have seen many challenges to the principle of free speech. We can see how a free society can get too complacent when free speech is taken for granted.

It is likewise wrong to shift from "you" to "one"

INCORRECT: Just by following the news, you can readily see how politicians have a vested interest in pleasing powerful interest groups. But one should not generalize about this tendency.

5b6. Colloquialisms

Conversational speech is filled with slang and colloquial expressions. However, you should avoid slang on the GMAT analytical writing assessment. Slang terms and colloquialisms can be confusing to the reader, since these expressions are not universally understood. Even worse, such informal writing may give readers the impression that you are poorly educated or arrogant.

INAPPROPRIATE: He is really into gardening.

CORRECT: He enjoys gardening.

INAPPROPRIATE: She plays a wicked game of tennis.
CORRECT: She excels in tennis.

5b7. Sentences

Beware of two common errors:

Sentence fragment: a statement with no independent clause
Run-on sentence: two or more independent clauses that are improperly connected

Sentence Fragments

Every sentence in formal writing must have an independent clause: a clause that expresses a complete thought and can stand alone. Dependent clauses do not express a complete thought and cannot stand alone. Errors are made when dependent clauses are used. Independent clauses contain a subject and a predicate and do not begin with a subordinate conjunction such as:

after as while
if provided that before
so that though where
whenever whether than
although because unless
in order since that

NOTE: Beginning single-clause sentences with coordinate conjunctions-and, but, or, nor, for-is

acceptable in moderation, although some readers may object to beginning a sentence with and.
INCORRECT: Global warming. That is what the scientists and journalists are worried about this month.

CORRECT: Global warming is the cause of concern for scientists and journalists this month.

INCORRECT: Seattle is a wonderful place to live. Having mountains, ocean, and forests all within easy driving distance. If you can ignore the rain.
CORRECT: Seattle is a wonderful place to live, with mountains, ocean, and forests all within easy

driving distance. However, it certainly does rain often.

INCORRECT: Why do I think the author's position is preposterous? Because he makes generalizations that I know are untrue.
CORRECT: I think the author's position is preposterous because he makes generalizations that I

know are untrue.
NOTE: Beginning single-clause sentences with coordinate conjunctions-and, but, or, nor, and for

is acceptable in moderation, although some readers may object to beginning a sentence with and.

CORRECT: Most people would agree that indigent patients should receive wonderful health care. But every treatment has its price.

Run-On Sentences

Time pressure may also cause you to write two or more sentences as one. When you proofread your essays, watch out for independent clauses that are not joined with any punctuation at all or are only joined with a comma.

RUN-ON SENTENCE: Current insurance practices are unfair they discriminate against the people who need insurance most.

You can repair run-on sentences in two ways. First, you could use a period to make separate sentences of the independent clauses.

The second method of repairing a run-on sentence is usually the most effective. Use a conjunction to turn an independent clause into a dependent one and to make explicit how the clauses are related.

CORRECT: Current insurance practices are unfair, in that they discriminate against the people who need insurance most.

One cause of run-on sentences is the misuse of adverbs like however, nevertheless, furthermore, likewise, and therefore.

RUN-ON SENTENCE: Current insurance practices are discriminatory, furthermore they make insurance too expensive for the poor.

CORRECT: Current insurance practices are discriminatory. Furthermore, they make insurance too expensive for the poor.

Example

1. However much she tries to act like a Southern belle, she cannot hide her roots. The daughter of a Yankee fisherman, taciturn and always polite.
Answer:The daughter of a Yankee fisherman is a sentence fragment, since the group of words contains no verb.

Sample Rewrite: However much she tries to act like a Southern belle, she cannot hide her roots. She will always be the daughter of a Yankee fisherman, taciturn and ever polite.