The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age.
The graphs reveal the information on three types of music albums bought by British people, with respect to ages and sexes. It can be seen clearly that Classical music was least popular type of music was popular among all type of categories, it was greatly unpopular between 16-24 years old people.
Pop and Rock music have almost identical numbers in percentage in sales between three types of customers but Pop music have a lead as compare to Rock music. The major difference of sales between males and females is noticed in Rock music, where male have a lead of 11% to women. According to the third graph, sales of Classical music has increased throughout the ages, accordingly 25-34, 35-44 and 45+ people. The highest purchase has calculated in people between 25-34, where they spent approximately 38%. They are preceded by people between 16-24 and 35-44, by just one percent difference. Graphs shows that purchase of females decrease with meaningful percentage, from Pop to Rock And Rock to Classical music.
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Sentence: It can be seen clearly that Classical music was least popular type of music was popular among all type of categories,
Suggestion: It can be seen clearly that Classical music was least popular type of music which was popular among all type of categories,
Sentence: Pop and Rock music have almost identical numbers in percentage in sales between three types of customers but Pop music have a lead as compare to Rock music.
Description: A conjunction, subordinating is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to as and compare
Suggestion: ...in sales among three types of customers...
Sentence: Graphs shows that purchase of females decrease with meaningful percentage, from Pop to Rock And Rock to Classical music.
Description: The fragment Graphs shows that is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace shows with verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
Number of Paragraphs: 2 4
better to have 4 paragraphs:
para 1: introduction
para 2: body 1
para 3: body 2
para 4: conclusion
sample:
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/graph-below-gives-information-about…
or
para 1: introduction
para 2: conclusion
para 3: body 1
para 4: body 2
sample:
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/graphs-below-show-types-music-album…
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 8 10
No. of Words: 169 200
No. of Characters: 822 1000
No. of Different Words: 96 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.606 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.864 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.444 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 52 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 41 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 23 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 19 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.125 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.441 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.375 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.459 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.562 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.132 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 2 4