personal statement

Essay topics:

personal statement

As the time approached for me to set my personal and professional goals, I made a conscientious decision to enter a field which would provide me with a sense of achievement and, at the same time, produce a positive impact on mankind. It became apparent to me that the practice of medicine would fulfill these objectives. My ever-growing commitment to medicine has been crystallizing for years. My intense interest in social issues, education, and athletics seems particularly appropriate to this field and has prepared me well for such a critical choice...
I have participated in many Olympiad and events which have led me to decide what I want to do. I first participated in “GOLDEN CLIMATE OLYMPIAD” for which I got accepted and went to Kenya to participate in it. I got the bronze medal for creating an idea and presenting it. It was my first time presenting because I was in 9th class, from here I got the boldness and started teaching my younger siblings. Again as i got the chance, I decided to come up with an idea to study about how to decreases the chances of getting cancer. We researched and prepared thesis and submitted it to “INTEL OLYMPIAD” we got accepted and presented our idea on the provisional level and won the grand prize for the science category. From there I got the encouragement to study science and go forward in that field.
I have learned my best life lessons through caring for patients. But, in this case, the patients were more like family. I had the blessing of living with my grandparents, so I helped them in every way took care of them. Last year my grandmother died and the doctors have also given the word to my grandfather, I have taken both of them to clinics and hospital and seen the doctors who helps the people who come there, who don’t know what to do but the help is given by the doctors.
I want to be like them, I have the quality, the experience, the patience, and the heart to do it. Through thick and thin I find myself completely fascinated with medicine.

Votes
Average: 1.1 (1 vote)
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Essays by user adilrehman :

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 24, Rule ID: MANY_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun Olympiad seems to be countable; consider using: 'many Olympiads'.
Suggestion: many Olympiads
...tical choice... I have participated in many Olympiad and events which have led me to decide ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 220, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...and went to Kenya to participate in it. I got the bronze medal for creating an id...
^
Line 2, column 423, Rule ID: I_LOWERCASE[2]
Message: Did you mean 'I'?
Suggestion: I
... teaching my younger siblings. Again as i got the chance, I decided to come up wi...
^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, so, well

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 6.0 13.1623246493 46% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 2.0 7.85571142285 25% => OK
Conjunction : 19.0 10.4138276553 182% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 7.30460921844 110% => OK
Pronoun: 51.0 24.0651302605 212% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 49.0 41.998997996 117% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 8.3376753507 84% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1679.0 1615.20841683 104% => OK
No of words: 360.0 315.596192385 114% => OK
Chars per words: 4.66388888889 5.12529762239 91% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.35587717469 4.20363070211 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.90247739009 2.80592935109 103% => OK
Unique words: 200.0 176.041082164 114% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.555555555556 0.561755894193 99% => OK
syllable_count: 535.5 506.74238477 106% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.60771543086 93% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 16.0 5.43587174349 294% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 3.0 2.52805611222 119% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.10420841683 48% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 0.809619238477 247% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 5.0 4.76152304609 105% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 16.0721442886 106% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 20.2975951904 103% => OK
Sentence length SD: 59.9520569701 49.4020404114 121% => OK
Chars per sentence: 98.7647058824 106.682146367 93% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.1764705882 20.7667163134 102% => OK
Discourse Markers: 1.76470588235 7.06120827912 25% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.38176352705 91% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.01903807615 60% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 16.0 8.67935871743 184% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 3.9879759519 25% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 3.4128256513 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0168326866523 0.244688304435 7% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.00425578702348 0.084324248473 5% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0170231480939 0.0667982634062 25% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0104432577671 0.151304729494 7% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0180882530491 0.056905535591 32% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.1 13.0946893788 85% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 50.2224549098 117% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.44779559118 118% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 11.3001002004 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.75 12.4159519038 79% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.01 8.58950901804 93% => OK
difficult_words: 76.0 78.4519038076 97% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 9.78957915832 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 10.1190380762 103% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 10.7795591182 93% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.

Rates: 11.2359550562 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.