Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most businesspeople are motivated only by the desire for more money
Money is one of the important aspects-if it is not the most important one- of any person’s life. Everyone needs money to satisfy his/her basic demands of surviving in the first place and in next places everyone likes money to make himself/herself a luxury life. The vast majority of people are of the opinion that most of the businesspeople are motivated only by the desire for money. I personally contend that while money is one of the motivations, there are other ones as well which cannot be denied due to their importance. In the following paragraphs, I will delve into the most conspicuous reasons and examples.
One of the reasons coming to mind at first is that businesspeople have the desire for fame. There are many people all around the world whose main desire is fame not money. That is why many people name their offices or careers after their names. They also do this because they want to be sure that their name remains as long as the business remains even after their death. To be honest, it will have a nice feeling when he/she knows that he/she is famous everywhere. For example, the car company Ford is named after its owner. Although the original Ford is dead, the name is steel well known all over the world.
Another equally noteworthy reason is that business people want to help people by providing job opportunities. Business people have to employ a great number of people in their offices. For big companies which have branches everywhere, there are many offices and many positions which people can be employed in. Beside, after business people earn enough amount of money, they usually start other careers such as factories, so more job opportunities will be provided. As an example, a businessman in my city have established a dairy factory from the benefits of his business and provided people of the area lots of job opportunities.
On the other hand, money is also an important factor. Scarcely a person is found who does not work for money. All people around have found a job in order to earn money. Businesspeople are not out of this crowd. Actually, every job due to its nature has an income which differs from any other job. The money which businesspeople make is more than many people who have other jobs but it is not a good reason to prove that money is the only desire for business people. As mentioned before, it is one of the desires, but not the only one.
To wrap it up, all the aforementioned reasons and examples lead us to the conclusion that although money is one important motivation for every businessman/woman, it is not the only desire. There are some other positive desires such as making job opportunities as well. However, that was a story in a nutshell. There are a plethora of other points which are not mentioned above due to the dearth of time. Finally it is suggested that a survey be conducted to bear out which of the assumptions about main desire of businesspeople is of the most accuracy.
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the name is steel well known all over the world.
the name is still well known all over the world.
flaws:
No. of Words: 524 350
The conclusion is not developed well. Conclusion should be related to your content. It should be simple, like:
In conclusion, more money is not the only motivation for most businesspeople.
and it should not make something new, like: a survey.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 29 15
No. of Words: 524 350
No. of Characters: 2375 1500
No. of Different Words: 231 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.784 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.532 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.522 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 140 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 96 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 66 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 40 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.069 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.918 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.483 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.284 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.467 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.099 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5