Some people believe that the range of technologies available to individuals will increase the gap between the rich and the poor. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
With the acceleration of the forth scientific and technological revolution, technology has been of vital importance since it has an overall impact of people’s life. However, the influence of the technology available to people remains in dispute since the two sides, one that it will increase the gap between the well-off and the badly off, one that it provides a golden opportunity to narrow down the gap by offering access to knowledge, are still struggling to persuade each other but fail to offer overwhelming statements and evidence. From my perspective, the different range of technology available to the rich and the poor will definitely increase the gap.
To begin with, the unequal access to the medical technology will lead to a wider gap among people with various income. That is because some severe diseases may be easily cured by a certain method in the test phase which requires tremendous fortune. The fascinating approach to curing the cancer can well illustrate this idea. Targeted therapy or molecularly targeted therapy is one of the major modalities of medical treatment for cancer which is far less harmful than hormonal therapy and cytotoxic chemotherapy. As a form of molecular medicine, targeted therapy blocks the growth of cancer cells by interfering with specific targeted molecules only needed by cancer cells and not by simply interfering with all rapidly dividing cells. However, this therapy is extremely costly since the medicine must be specially designed to recognize the patient’s cancer cells. Moreover, the monoclonal antibody playing the very role as a recognition device is difficult to grow into a stage where they are abundant enough for medical purpose. Another convincing evidence on DNA test can also corroborate my opinion: the Hollywood celebrity, Angelina Jolie, found herself carrying a faulty gene, BRCA 1, which sharply increases her risk of developing breast cancer. She decided to have a double mastectomy to avoid the potential risk. Those are how technology widen the gap of living quality by offering unaffordable method for the poor.
Besides, the distinct uses of technology will result in the situation that most fortune is amassed by the wealthy since they get the incomparable capital to apply the technology in an unimaginable way. D.E.Shaw, a successful business man gaining his fame and fortune by using supercomputer, is a typical example for this. After earning 2.7 million dollars in the Wall Street, he resigned from the company and established his own. Being the first man introducing supercomputer into the stock market, he used invalid market to make a profit. Nowadays, he is honored to be the King Quant.
Some people believe the advanced technology provides us with equal access to knowledge which will give to the decreasing of the gap between the rich and the poor. However, I must show that useful knowledge on the internet will be purchased while only the rudimentary knowledge is free to all. In that case, technology does make sure everyone is educated but the degree of education is unavoidably stratified which does no good for narrowing down the gap. Instead, that technology stimulates people’s awareness of the gap without narrowing it really distributes to stable society.
To draw a conclusion, the range of advanced technologies available to people precisely increase the wealth gap.
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 179, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in an unimaginable way" with adverb for "unimaginable"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...parable capital to apply the technology in an unimaginable way. D.E.Shaw, a successful business man ga...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 207, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Shaw
... technology in an unimaginable way. D.E.Shaw, a successful business man gaining his ...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, but, first, however, if, may, moreover, really, so, still, well, while, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 15.1003584229 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 9.8082437276 112% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 13.8261648746 87% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 11.0286738351 118% => OK
Pronoun: 29.0 43.0788530466 67% => OK
Preposition: 78.0 52.1666666667 150% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 8.0752688172 124% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2855.0 1977.66487455 144% => OK
No of words: 541.0 407.700716846 133% => OK
Chars per words: 5.27726432532 4.8611393121 109% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.82280071112 4.48103885553 108% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.9036634342 2.67179642975 109% => OK
Unique words: 300.0 212.727598566 141% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.554528650647 0.524837075471 106% => OK
syllable_count: 929.7 618.680645161 150% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.51630824373 112% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 9.59856630824 94% => OK
Article: 8.0 3.08781362007 259% => Less articles wanted as sentence beginning.
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.86738351254 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.94265232975 121% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 20.6003584229 112% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 20.1344086022 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 65.5637757886 48.9658058833 134% => OK
Chars per sentence: 124.130434783 100.406767564 124% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.5217391304 20.6045352989 114% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.34782608696 5.45110844103 80% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.53405017921 110% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.5376344086 36% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 11.8709677419 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 3.85842293907 259% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.88709677419 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0214421538002 0.236089414692 9% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0069200840502 0.076458572812 9% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0133538628887 0.0737576698707 18% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0102435619225 0.150856017488 7% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.00912286576502 0.0645574589148 14% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.2 11.7677419355 129% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 39.67 58.1214874552 68% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 6.10430107527 183% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 10.1575268817 132% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.64 10.9000537634 125% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.18 8.01818996416 114% => OK
difficult_words: 151.0 86.8835125448 174% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 20.0 10.002688172 200% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 10.0537634409 111% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 10.247311828 137% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 3.33333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.