TPO 15 independent writing

Essay topics:

TPO 15 independent writing

It is generally believed that now the freedom of distribution of money is becoming a mega-trend in our modern society, even little kids, parents are also encouraging them use money freely only they won't wasting money. It used to be widely accepted that we should be provident and pay attention to the cagey management of money, now is dealed as cliche that rarely people aware of it. However, personally speaking, I think the education of financial management is still indispensable for children especially during their formative age.

To begin with, in terms of individuals, the money management is one of the curcial aspects of personal management. A good education during formative age could better establish a good habitude in future life. I can cite a few instances to illustrate this. My university dormmate Jimmy is a very shrewd man, in particular, he never run out his money every month and always could buy himself some video games in the last of a month, eventhough his allowance is quite a little amount. I once asked him about why could he better control his expenditure without bankruptcy, and he anwsered: "This is becuase when I was young, my mom began to train my ability of better management of money." And then I know that it is his money management education in his young age that makes Jimmy outstanding in money management among our people with poor ability of money control. Contrast with Jimmy, is my uncle Josh. He have decent job in Shanghai, and he can make a lot of money every month as a lawyer. But, if you observate his life closely, you will discover that he is living in a very chaotic status: he always waste a lot of unnecessary odds with a great deal of money with out limit and then abandon them easily. Also, working in Shanghai several years, he could not save enough money to reserve a apartment, though he earn a high enough salary initially. My father say that he has not receive a well education in financial management, and finally even he grew up he cannot better manage his money properly. This kind of contrast occurs commonly, make me convinced that a better finacial management education at young age is vital important.

Furthermore, In terms of social operating, an one well-educated one in management ability could better lead the family, the organization, the corporation, even the country. Just imagine, an executive with poor financial management ability, how could you account for him or her to lead the company correctly? If this is a construction company with a horrible boss, maybe he will lead the business waste a lot of money in unnecessary luxurious building materials and then the benefit of company will sharply plummet of benefit and consequently an unavoidable bankruptcy will come down. Also a government officer with poor financial management could also incur a catastrophe. Once a notorious administrator of energy department in China, Liu, has been put into prison for 20 years, due to his colossal waste by terrible fiscal policy, including aimless investment in many different field such as medical care and transportation. In fact, what he want to do is for the better life of citizens, however, without good ideology and methodology in financial management, all his work became wasteful and counterproductive. It turns out that even for the macro-perspective, personal financial education is also crucial and far-reaching. Hence, the importance of financial management education is also emphasized in this level.

In conclusion, I believed that financial management education of children is necessary. Though the economic trend is reviving now, we still need to find a better money management approach. Only with better management, we could make our life stay in the correct direction and avoid another anthropogenic crisis in the financial field.

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Comments

parents are also encouraging them use money freely only they won't wasting money
parents are also encouraging them use money freely only when they won't wasting money

people aware of it.
people are aware of it.

He have decent job in Shanghai,
He has a decent job in Shanghai,

he always waste a lot of unnecessary odds
he always wastes a lot of unnecessary odds

though he earn a high enough salary initially
though he earns a high enough salary initially

My father say that
My father says that

what he want to do
what he wants to do

Sentence: I once asked him about why could he better control his expenditure without bankruptcy, and he anwsered: 'This is becuase when I was young, my mom began to train my ability of better management of money.'
Description: The token is is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to is and becuase

Sentence: It used to be widely accepted that we should be provident and pay attention to the cagey management of money, now is dealed as cliche that rarely people aware of it.
Error: dealed Suggestion: No alternate word

Sentence: To begin with, in terms of individuals, the money management is one of the curcial aspects of personal management.
Error: curcial Suggestion: crucial

Sentence: A good education during formative age could better establish a good habitude in future life.
Error: habitude Suggestion: No alternate word

Sentence: My university dormmate Jimmy is a very shrewd man, in particular, he never run out his money every month and always could buy himself some video games in the last of a month, eventhough his allowance is quite a little amount.
Error: dormmate Suggestion: donate
Error: eventhough Suggestion: No alternate word

Sentence: I once asked him about why could he better control his expenditure without bankruptcy, and he anwsered: 'This is becuase when I was young, my mom began to train my ability of better management of money.'
Error: anwsered Suggestion: answered
Error: becuase Suggestion: because

Sentence: But, if you observate his life closely, you will discover that he is living in a very chaotic status: he always waste a lot of unnecessary odds with a great deal of money with out limit and then abandon them easily.
Error: observate Suggestion: No alternate word

Sentence: This kind of contrast occurs commonly, make me convinced that a better finacial management education at young age is vital important.
Error: finacial Suggestion: financial

Sentence: Only with better management, we could make our life stay in the correct direction and avoid another anthropogenic crisis in the financial field.
Error: anthropogenic Suggestion: No alternate word

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 10 2
o. of Words: 634 350 //examples could be shorter

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 20 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 10 2
No. of Sentences: 26 15
No. of Words: 634 350
No. of Characters: 3118 1500
No. of Different Words: 313 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.018 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.918 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.867 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 217 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 168 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 126 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 95 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.385 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.565 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.692 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.313 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.453 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.196 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5