TPO 35 independent Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer | TOEFL IELTS GMAT GRE SAT ACT PTE ESL

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TPO 35 independent Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays, because of the spread of technology through all aspects of life, people want to be aware of famous people's lifestyles. Some believe that celebrities do not have enough safety to live an ordinary life. However, others think that famous people want to attract people's attention deliberately to make more money. From my point of view, celebrities deserve to have a more private life because of getting calm and their family.
First and foremost, celebrities' families are always endangered. If a celebrity wants to leave his house for an ordinary walk with his children, a myriad of people gather around him asking him for a signature or a photograph. If you look deeper into these situations, you find out that celebrities hesitate to take their children out because of the lack of privacy. They always are afraid that a malicious person might harm their children. For instance, about two years ago, an unknown person kidnaped a celebrity's son and asked for 1 million US dollars. In the end, police arrested the kidnapper, but that child can never forget this devastating incident. Therefore, nobody can deny the fact that famous people need more privacy because of their families.
Second, famous people need to rest in a peaceful place to get recovered for their next job. Most of the athletes endure rough situations during matches and training sessions. They even do not have enough privacy to get recovered when they want to take a rest on holiday. An immense number of photographers and reporters seek where celebrities settle, and when they find their locations, they stay around the house of these athletes or actors to take interviews. For example, last summer we traveled to a peaceful place in a small village. We settled inside a hotel, and everything was wonderful until we heard the noise of a myriad of people. Plenty of photographers were around our hotel, and when we asked the hotel's manager about the reason for this gathering, she told us that a famous celebrity and his wife were inside the hotel. As you can see, famous people do not have a private atmosphere to rest during their free time.
To sum up, celebrities like athletes and actors should have enough freedom as ordinary people have. They merely want to have enough space to pave the streets with their families as others do. In addition, they want to have a tranquil atmosphere to live a calm life. Therefore, we need to give them more privacy if we expect them to perform as well as possible.

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Essay evaluations by e-grader

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 370, Rule ID: ADVERB_WORD_ORDER[4]
Message: The adverb 'always' is usually put after the verb 'are'.
Suggestion: are always
...ut because of the lack of privacy. They always are afraid that a malicious person might ha...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 712, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'hotels'' or 'hotel's'?
Suggestion: hotels'; hotel's
...around our hotel, and when we asked the hotels manager about the reason for this gathe...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 783, Rule ID: FAMOUS_CELEBRITY[1]
Message: Use simply 'celebrity'.
Suggestion: celebrity
... for this gathering, she told us that a famous celebrity and his wife were inside the hotel. As ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, however, if, look, second, so, therefore, well, for example, for instance, in addition, as well as, to sum up

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 6.0 15.1003584229 40% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 9.8082437276 82% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 13.8261648746 94% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 11.0286738351 100% => OK
Pronoun: 47.0 43.0788530466 109% => OK
Preposition: 61.0 52.1666666667 117% => OK
Nominalization: 3.0 8.0752688172 37% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2061.0 1977.66487455 104% => OK
No of words: 425.0 407.700716846 104% => OK
Chars per words: 4.84941176471 4.8611393121 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.54043259262 4.48103885553 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.56146584331 2.67179642975 96% => OK
Unique words: 215.0 212.727598566 101% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.505882352941 0.524837075471 96% => OK
syllable_count: 666.0 618.680645161 108% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 9.59856630824 94% => OK
Article: 3.0 3.08781362007 97% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.51792114695 114% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.86738351254 214% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 6.0 4.94265232975 121% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 20.6003584229 112% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 20.1344086022 89% => OK
Sentence length SD: 33.7157583772 48.9658058833 69% => OK
Chars per sentence: 89.6086956522 100.406767564 89% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.4782608696 20.6045352989 90% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.26086956522 5.45110844103 97% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.5376344086 54% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 11.8709677419 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 3.85842293907 156% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.88709677419 82% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.166301720276 0.236089414692 70% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0546531525733 0.076458572812 71% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0503856382266 0.0737576698707 68% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.118538359893 0.150856017488 79% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0570533055079 0.0645574589148 88% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.7 11.7677419355 91% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 53.21 58.1214874552 92% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 10.1575268817 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.85 10.9000537634 100% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.39 8.01818996416 92% => OK
difficult_words: 77.0 86.8835125448 89% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 10.002688172 90% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 10.0537634409 92% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 10.247311828 107% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.