TOEFL integrated writing: Altruism

The article disscusses about Altruism in animal and human which means animals or humans sacrify their life for others without any reward. However,in the lecture, the professor makes a series of points that cast doubt on all the arguments presented in the reading. She clarifies that by carefule observation this actions in closer view has other meaning .
First of all, the reading gives the example of Meerkat sentinel as an example of altruism that the guard sacrifies their food and life by helping other animals in their group. However, the professor refutes that. She states sentinel Meerkats eat before their stand guard and they are not hungry. So ,they do not sacrify their food for others.
Moreover, sentinel stand guard Meerkat stay near the burrow and they are most likely to escape in time of predators attack. Therefore, their act is not altruism and selflessness. Also scattered animals who are searching food are more prone to predators attack.
Lastly, alarm calls have more effects on other animals than the sentinel guard. In fact, this calls cause the predetor attraction to others who are escaping quickly. Also, humans who donate kidney to their relative or the stranger receive appreciation from people and the society. For some people this appreciations are more valuable than the money.

Votes
Average: 0.3 (1 vote)
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 146, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , in
...e for others without any reward. However,in the lecture, the professor makes a seri...
^^^
Line 1, column 307, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...e clarifies that by carefule observation this actions in closer view has other me...
^^
Line 1, column 354, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...actions in closer view has other meaning . First of all, the reading gives the ex...
^^
Line 2, column 298, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... stand guard and they are not hungry. So ,they do not sacrify their food for other...
^^
Line 3, column 179, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...r act is not altruism and selflessness. Also scattered animals who are searching foo...
^^^^
Line 4, column 297, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
...people and the society. For some people this appreciations are more valuable than th...
^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, however, if, lastly, moreover, so, therefore, in fact, first of all

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 7.0 10.4613686534 67% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 0.0 5.04856512141 0% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 7.30242825607 110% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 12.0772626932 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 19.0 22.412803532 85% => OK
Preposition: 25.0 30.3222958057 82% => OK
Nominalization: 3.0 5.01324503311 60% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1102.0 1373.03311258 80% => OK
No of words: 214.0 270.72406181 79% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.14953271028 5.08290768461 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 3.82475343497 4.04702891845 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.40669698408 2.5805825403 93% => OK
Unique words: 129.0 145.348785872 89% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.602803738318 0.540411800872 112% => OK
syllable_count: 336.6 419.366225166 80% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.55342163355 103% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 3.25607064018 154% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.23620309051 49% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 1.25165562914 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.51434878587 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 2.5761589404 78% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 13.0662251656 107% => OK
Sentence length: 15.0 21.2450331126 71% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 36.9897945109 49.2860985944 75% => OK
Chars per sentence: 78.7142857143 110.228320801 71% => OK
Words per sentence: 15.2857142857 21.698381199 70% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.71428571429 7.06452816374 81% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.09492273731 98% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 4.19205298013 143% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 4.33554083885 115% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 4.45695364238 112% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.27373068433 94% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0433192798865 0.272083759551 16% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0172443605613 0.0996497079465 17% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0364157804575 0.0662205650399 55% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0295473215541 0.162205337803 18% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0177704034368 0.0443174109184 40% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.5 13.3589403974 79% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 56.25 53.8541721854 104% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 5.55761589404 56% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.1 11.0289183223 83% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.0 12.2367328918 98% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.73 8.42419426049 104% => OK
difficult_words: 59.0 63.6247240618 93% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 10.7273730684 75% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.0 10.498013245 76% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.2008830022 71% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.

Rates: 3.33333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.