TPO-46 - Integrated Writing Task In the United States, medical information about patients traditionally has been recorded and stored on paper forms. However, there are efforts to persuade doctors to adopt electronic medical record systems in which informa

Both the passage and the lecturer disscuss about the electronical database keeping, in the passage it is prefered to keeping the data electoranically benefits everyone so much more, the lecturer conversely argues that the benefits are not as much as it has been mentioned in the passage.
Firstly about the cost saving it has been written in the passage that by keeping the data electorically there is no need to keep the papers and thats how it benefits everyone by reducing the cost of data transforming. The lecturer believes its not that simple, most f the doctors who keep data electronically still keep the papers too because there may occure a legal problem and they need the patients signiture as an evidence.
SEcondly the lucterer argues with the idea of preventing Errors she thinks that all the mistake that can be made while transfering the data would be done by the staff that transfer the notes that doctor has taken about the illness so this wont be a matter if the doctor is not using the data electornically.
Thirdly about the accession of the data she thinks that its compeletly impossible sometimes because of the strict laws of privacy in the united states the patient my block any access to their medical profile.
To sum it all up I agree with the lecturer mostly, of course keeping the data electronically has its own advantages and would be useful so many times but the passage is fantasizing with such reasoning.

Votes
Average: 8 (1 vote)
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 145, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: that's
...there is no need to keep the papers and thats how it benefits everyone by reducing th...
^^^^^
Line 2, column 240, Rule ID: IT_IS[6]
Message: Did you mean 'it's' (='it is') instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
Suggestion: it's; it is
...ata transforming. The lecturer believes its not that simple, most f the doctors who...
^^^
Line 5, column 51, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...all up I agree with the lecturer mostly, of course keeping the data electronicall...
^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, conversely, first, firstly, if, may, second, secondly, so, still, third, thirdly, while, of course

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 10.4613686534 105% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 5.04856512141 119% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 7.30242825607 68% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 12.0772626932 75% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 23.0 22.412803532 103% => OK
Preposition: 25.0 30.3222958057 82% => OK
Nominalization: 1.0 5.01324503311 20% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1195.0 1373.03311258 87% => OK
No of words: 249.0 270.72406181 92% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.79919678715 5.08290768461 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 3.97237131171 4.04702891845 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.71873609295 2.5805825403 105% => OK
Unique words: 132.0 145.348785872 91% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.530120481928 0.540411800872 98% => OK
syllable_count: 387.9 419.366225166 92% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.55342163355 103% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 0.0 3.25607064018 0% => OK
Article: 2.0 8.23620309051 24% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 1.25165562914 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.51434878587 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 2.5761589404 116% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 6.0 13.0662251656 46% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 41.0 21.2450331126 193% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 41.9950393896 49.2860985944 85% => OK
Chars per sentence: 199.166666667 110.228320801 181% => OK
Words per sentence: 41.5 21.698381199 191% => OK
Discourse Markers: 17.1666666667 7.06452816374 243% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.09492273731 122% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 4.19205298013 72% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 3.0 4.33554083885 69% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 4.45695364238 67% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.27373068433 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.213153108473 0.272083759551 78% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.107143882709 0.0996497079465 108% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.017629060484 0.0662205650399 27% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.112071308492 0.162205337803 69% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0257496077115 0.0443174109184 58% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 21.9 13.3589403974 164% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 29.86 53.8541721854 55% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 11.2 5.55761589404 202% => Smog_index is high.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 19.3 11.0289183223 175% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.45 12.2367328918 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.22 8.42419426049 109% => OK
difficult_words: 56.0 63.6247240618 88% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 18.5 10.7273730684 172% => OK
gunning_fog: 18.4 10.498013245 175% => OK
text_standard: 19.0 11.2008830022 170% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 80.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 24.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.