Some people say that science study should be mandatory in schools, others argue that it is unnecessary. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Sir please tell me about the use of article the now and more importantly if the is used unnecessarily at some situations

And how are ideas and overall presentation ???

N I want to know whether my notion and conclusions are excellent or do I need changes

for overall development of a nation.
for the overall development of a nation.

scientific advancement has nourishes the mankind
scientific advancement has nourished the mankind

flaws:
The third paragraph is out of topic. You can say:
1. if it is an art school, science study may be unnecessary.

2. Even in a school (like in a high school), if it is mandatory, students may not have time to choose other subjects they are interested in; sports, music, art and history etc. will be at the back seats...

The conclusion in the fourth paragraph is complicated, You can simply say: Better to leave it free for students to choose

Article 'the' is OK. It is not over used.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? out of 9
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: ? 2
No. of Sentences: 26 15
No. of Words: 422 350
No. of Characters: 2236 1500
No. of Different Words: 248 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.532 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.299 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.934 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 186 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 148 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 99 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 67 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.231 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.375 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.577 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.244 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.437 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.03 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

I have made corrections sir now check and give it deserving bands and suggest some more quality ideas

Now check and rate it sir

Now check and rate it sir

Sentence: A balanced emphasize over every quality stream could be the right approach to ensure all around progress.
Description: A verb, past participle is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to balanced and emphasize

teaching limited and positive usage of science must be the motto of school authorities.
Description: can you re-write this sentence? about 'teaching limited'

the students must have freedom to make a choice regarding their subjects according to own wishes.
Description: can you re-write this sentence? about 'regarding' and 'according'

Sentence: Thence, it may discourage them towards studies if they are tought science.
Error: tought Suggestion: No alternate word

flaws:
be sensitive to use 'On the contrary' and 'however'

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.5 out of 9
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 337 350
No. of Characters: 1747 1500
No. of Different Words: 208 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.285 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.184 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.798 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 140 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 111 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 76 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.652 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.842 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.652 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.255 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.479 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.049 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

Sir plzz give it sticky icon