Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is unanimously acknowledged that "work is worship". Presently, some believe that retirement age should be increased owing to the prolonged longevity of people. However, some take issues with this view and claim that life span is not an acceptable measure for specifying the time at which people get retired. Here, I accord with the former perspective.
Multifarious points could endorse my view. First and foremost, because of the fact that today the longevity of people has put up, people have more opportunities in their lifetime to bring gains for their nations. To put it in another way, being out of work could have some deleterious impacts on the economy of the country because jobless people would not endeavor to bring prosperity in the society, and they are just consumers. Therefore, the plan in which the retirement age is raised had better be executed.
Laying emphasis on my vantage point, longer life span of people is the privilege for the government to use the workforce for more time, and it would be an egregious mistake if the nation did not use of the old experienced workers. To be more specific, the experience of the elderly employees is something to which we cannot close our eyes. Moreover, sometimes, some practical remedies could be found with the agency of old experienced workers who can open doors to the career development. Consequently, the time at which people get retired should be postponed. On the contrary, some have conflicting views.
They maintain that longer longevity of people is an advantage which has been brought by means of the science breakthroughs, and this more time should be taken up with enjoyment and leisure activities. Furthermore, the old, before departing this life, should have enough time to get pleasure from their harmonious relationships and rapport. Hence, people ought not to be made work for a longer time because of their longer life span.
To recapitulate, nowadays, the prolonged longevity of people necessitates increasing the retirement age because unemployment could have detrimental effects on the country.
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They maintain that longer longevity
They think/believe that longer longevity
flaws:
It is not addressed clear. We didn't get the point:
'because jobless people would not endeavor to bring prosperity in the society, and they are just consumers. Therefore, the plan in which the retirement age is raised had better be executed.'
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Can you re-write the conclusion:
the prolonged longevity of people necessitates increasing the retirement age because unemployment could have detrimental effects on the country.
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Sentences are not developed smoothly.
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Attribute Value Ideal
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Category: Satisfactory Excellent
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