Do agree or disagree the extended family(grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past.
It is a highly debated issue whether or not the extended family members are less important nowadays than before, and this topic can be approached from several angles due to its complexity. Some people tend to think that the extended family isn’t important as before. While others think that they are really important part in everybody lives. Deeply deliberating over the issue, I believe that the extended family is important nowadays as it was before, and the following discussion reveals my stand and reasoning.
To begin with, the extended family is important for social interacting. When you have a large family including grandparents, uncles, and cousins, you will always have a social event to attend with your family and you could enjoy families meeting a lot. For instance, when I compare my life when I was a child to my daughter’s life right now, I would find a lot of difference and so many things that are missing in her life right now. She doesn’t know how to interact socially with others mainly because we live her in the United States faraway from our family. My daughter is a six years old and still feel shy when we meet other people, she would hide behind her father and refuse to answer any question. While when I was in her age, I used to play with all kids and never feel shy, I used to be an easy going girl. As you could see, because I grew up with my extended family, I never feel shy and socially I was better than my daughter today.
Second, the extended family could give a big support and help to us. So, we need them all the time, we needed them in the past as we needed them nowadays. For example, when I was a kid, my parents were working in a full time job. My mother were depending totally on my grandparents to take care of me. I remember that my grandfather used to take me to the school while my grandmother prepare food and took me to the park after schools. My grandparents really took care of me and they helped my mother a lot. Nowadays, I’m not working and stay home because there is nobody takes care of my daughter beside me. I tried to put her in after school programs but it didn’t work, first of all, it cost me a an arm and leg, also, I needed a lot of times off when my daughter was sick. As you could see, having no family members with you, will make the life so hard to live.
In conclusion, I believe that the extended family is important all the time and may be now they are more important than the past because the life become more complicated.
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they are really important part in everybody lives.
they are a really important part in everybody's lives.
while my grandmother prepare food and took me
while my grandmother prepared food and took me
I’m not working and stay home because there is nobody takes care of my daughter
I’m not working and staying at home because there is nobody who takes care of my daughter
the life become more complicated.
the life becomes more complicated.
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
Read a good grammar book.
More sentences varieties wanted. Try to use less pronouns or not to use pronouns (like 'It, I, They, We, You...') as the subject of a sentence. Look:
While when
I was in her age,
I used to play with all kids and never feel shy,
I used to be an easy going girl. As
you could see, because
I grew up with my extended family,
I never feel shy and socially
I was better than my daughter today.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 20 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 470 350
No. of Characters: 1979 1500
No. of Different Words: 221 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.656 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.211 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.307 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 124 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 74 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 49 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 26 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.381 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.185 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.619 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.347 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.505 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.241 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5