The chart below shows the percentage change in the share of international students among university graduates in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006

Essay topics:

The chart below shows the percentage change in the share of international students among university graduates in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006

The bar graph elucidates the proportion of international students graduated from the universities in 8 different provinces in Canada from 2001 to 2006. It is clearly observed from the graph, there were more students graduated in 2006 than those of in 2001.

It is immediately apparent that the most common graduated province was New Brunswick of well above 10%, closely followed by Nova Scotia and British Columbia at around 10%. Graduating from Quebec (around 8%) was only just more common than graduating from Albert (around 7%). Finally, the fewest number of students graduated from Manitoba, Newfoundland and Ontario, which accounted for around 5 percent of all international graduates.

Typically, there were few major differences between 2001 and 2006. The number of international graduates was the highest in New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and Quebec at around above 5%, while slightly less international graduations taken place in Alberta and British Columbia (less than 5%). Notably, the rest of provinces had the similar proportion of international graduated students, well below 5% in Manitoba, Newfoundland and Ontario, which is the least number of graduated students amongst Canadian provinces.

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Comments

while slightly less international graduations taken place in Alberta and British Columbia
while slightly less international graduations are taking place in Alberta and British Columbia

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 8 10
No. of Words: 184 200
No. of Characters: 985 1000
No. of Different Words: 92 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.683 4.0
Average Word Length: 5.353 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.98 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 78 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 61 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 47 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 32 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.599 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.476 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.657 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.112 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 4

Submitted by YS89 on Tue, 10/27/2015 - 22:15

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How could I improve in task 1 writings?
It seems like it is not about the grammr issue. So what would be the reason for not getting any higher marks for the writing task 1?

The third paragraph can't cover all comparisons. read a sample with more details:
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-writing-task-i-essays/graph-below-shows-pe…
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We look at a lot how users use verbs and how many different words they used.

To get higher marks in task I:

1. more verbs and more different words wanted.

2. also we realized you develop single lines better than multiple lines which need comparisons. So you may read and do more practice for multiple graphs with comparisons.