The following report appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds represent the most frequently given reason for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid—a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil—as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author of this argument has taken two ostensibly unrelated facts and has come to a conclusion that is not supported by the argument. In addition , the writer has made sweeping recommendation based on assumption. Although fired up and ready to go, the residents of West Meria should look out for omissions in reasoning made by the author and ask hard questions before accepting the diurnal use of dietray supplement Ichthaid.
The assumption that cold is the only reason for abseentism at workplaces and school is largely erroneous. What proof does the author cites for this fact. It is probable that since cold is so common, it serves as a convenient excuse for anyone wanting to take an off from school or work. Had the author cited any doctor certificates submitted by employees and students, then his would have justified the authors recommendation. While cold can be prevented by Ichthaid, can the same be said for abseentism. Thus, in the absence of concrete evidence such as doctor certificates and statistical data regarding cold, the claim that cold is a major reason for absenteeism, totally falls apart.
Secondly the assumption that residents of West Meria eat fish and make few visits to doctors, is there by, largely unrelated. The writer assumes that this is an example of cause and effect. What evidence exits to support this? First, the reader should ask to know if East Meria's residents visit doctor to treat every cold. It is likely that many people treat their colds themselves, after all, there is no cure. Next they should ask how many of cold sufferers are habitual fish eaters. If East Merian's do, in fact, contract fewer colds than average, they maybe taking other preventive measures. Is there any evidence that they take vitamin C? They maybe taking large quantities of fruits and vegetables which maybe rich in vitamin C. They maybe eating their fish with lots of lemon, a fruit rich in vitamin C. Therefore the link between eating fish and making fewer visits to doctor is not fairly convincing.
Thirdly, the authors assumption that eating the supplement Icthaid is equivalent to eating fish. Icthaid is a supplement and will tend to lose much of its nutritional value while being processed. Moreover lethal substances are added to such products for scaling their expiry time. The expense for having this supplement on a diurnal basis can have a negative impact on the health, or to paraphrase Marie Antoinette, "Let them eat fish."
Thus in it's present form the argument lacks the vital statistics and evidence to determine the veracity of claims made by the author. It is based on several assumptions, most blatant of which are debunked above. The author should provide more reports, statistic reports from doctor, regarding cold, otherwise his prediction of Ichthaid being a good way to prevent cold, is likely to be a pipe dream.
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Sentence: Although fired up and ready to go, the residents of West Meria should look out for omissions in reasoning made by the author and ask hard questions before accepting the diurnal use of dietray supplement Ichthaid.
Error: dietray Suggestion: dietary
Sentence: The assumption that cold is the only reason for abseentism at workplaces and school is largely erroneous.
Error: abseentism Suggestion: absents
Sentence: While cold can be prevented by Ichthaid, can the same be said for abseentism.
Error: abseentism Suggestion: absents
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argument 1 -- not OK. where did you get 'cold is the only reason for abseentism' from the topic? The topic only said: 'Since colds represent the most frequently given reason for absences'.
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- not exactly. Don't develop argument essays like issue essays: 'The expense for having this supplement on a diurnal basis can have a negative impact on the health, or to paraphrase Marie Antoinette, "Let them eat fish."'.
You may say:
Perhaps it may not be the fish oil that causes the cold prevention; it could be the head of the fish, or its tail, or other parts of the fish.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 481 350
No. of Characters: 2332 1500
No. of Different Words: 254 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.683 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.848 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.544 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 163 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 114 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 82 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.042 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.261 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.254 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.469 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.041 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5