The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College.
"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham.
The director of student housing at Byckingham college has made a proposal that college should build new dormitories. In order to support his claim the author has come up with many unwarranted stated and unstated assumptions.
Firstly the author has made an claim that since according to the current trend the number of students enrolling in college are increasing. Hence, the college should build new dormitories because the current dormitories will be insufficient to accomodate the students. However the author here makes a wrong assumption the current trend will continue for next 50 years. But there are many chances that the current may be for reason such as prevalence of some course which is being provided in the college . It is possible that the course may become obsolete or some other institute may start providing the course which is better, then the influx of students may decrease. If this proves to be right then the logic of making new dormitories will fall apart.
Secondly, the author assumes that the average rent has increased and therefore students will prefer to stay in the dormitories provided by the college. However the author here has made an assumption that student only prefer the place where they will live on the basis of the rent. It is possible that students might be willing to pay more money in order to live outside of the campus because of their personal reasons. Here the author claim could have been more stronger if he would have provided any survey which proves that students would prefer cheaper accommodation. Furthermore the author has stated that the average rent of houses have increased in recent years. Here the author has taken the whole city in consideration, while it is possible that the areas in which students mostly likes to live did not saw a increase in the rent. So the author's claim could have been more stronger if he had provided more data of rent increase according to the areas.If the above assumption proves to be wrong then it will hurt the author's claim.
Finally , the author has made biggest unwarranted assumption; he has stated that the only dormitories will attract the students to enrol at Buckingham. This is biggest flaw in the author's assumption because even though students will prefer a college with good living condition but it is not the only reason. It is possible that for some students the other perspectives like the value of the courses and the ranking of the college in terms of jobs and career is more important than the living condition. There fore the author needs to provide data which reveals that Buckingham provides great career opportunities. Then in that student might prefer Buckingham over other colleges with similar career opportunities because the Buckingham will have new dormitories. Hence the author needs to provide more data regarding the same.
In conclusion the author has made several warranted and unwarranted assumption which on deeper scrutiny seems to be illogical and tends weaken the author's conclusion. The author should provide more evidence in order to make its claim more strong.
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even though students will prefer a college with good living condition but it is not the only reason.
Description: don't put 'even though' 'but' in one sentence.
Sentence: Hence, the college should build new dormitories because the current dormitories will be insufficient to accomodate the students.
Error: accomodate Suggestion: accommodate
Sentence: Finally , the author has made biggest unwarranted assumption; he has stated that the only dormitories will attract the students to enrol at Buckingham.
Error: enrol Suggestion: No alternate word
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argument 1 -- not OK.
Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate.
//In GRE/GMAT, we have to accept all data or evidence are true. so we accept that 'Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years', but it doesn't mean that 'thus making existing dormitory space inadequate.'. maybe students are local students in the future who will live with parents.
argument 2 -- not OK.
Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing.
//here is for 'recent years'. maybe after a few years, the rent for apartment will be down and much cheaper.
argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 517 350
No. of Characters: 2549 1500
No. of Different Words: 207 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.768 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.93 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.506 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 181 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 130 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 86 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.478 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.453 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.739 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.368 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.543 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.148 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5