Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 9: Agree or disagree? Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past.
There is no doubt that technology advances have extensive effects on both children and adults. This often brings up a controversial question: How does technology affect the children's creativity? In this regard, some people are inclined toward the opinion that technology has made children lose their creativity whereas others hold exactly the opposite perspective, believing that technology has developed creativity in children. The way I see it, technology positively influences children and increases their creativity and innovation since it provides diverse information very quickly and easily for everybody and helps to improve the skills.
The first reason that immediately comes to mind is that technology advances help children to gain different knowledge very fast and simply with no limitations. As there is not any limitation to attain information for anybody, every child can acquire needed information and exploit it to find new solutions for the issues. For instance, my friend wanted to learn how to play a violin but she did not have access to a music teacher. She asked a famous violinist in another city to teach her through the internet. Additionally, she learned about music and different instruments over the internet. Now, she applies the notes that she has learned and makes new musical pieces that she has written herself. Therefore, accessibility and swiftness of achieving information by the technology improves the children’s initiative.
Another equally important reason is that technology causes children to improve their skills. That is to say, children become multi-skilled and use their skills to create new ideas and new things. Take a child for instance, who wants to create an animation in which the characters and the colors look like real. She cannot use the old methods because they do not seem real. So she uses the computer software. Therefore, she has to improve her diverse skills to make the animated movies – like using the computer, knowing something about paintings, learning about moving picture, acquiring knowledge of technical jargons, and learning English language to use the software features. Hence, children can make new innovations by expanding their skills and aptitudes.
Decisively, if one assesses the aforementioned results of technology on children's behavior, one soon realizes that technology has an overall positive effect on children's creativity. In fact, children use technology to gain knowledge rapidly and easily, and develop their several abilities. Consequently, they utilize their knowledge and skills to make new ideas.
flaws:
The reason 1 is not completely related to the topic.
and it is necessary to compare to the past.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 399 350
No. of Characters: 2147 1500
No. of Different Words: 221 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.469 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.381 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.808 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 174 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 137 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 101 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 68 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.298 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.619 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.315 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.485 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.173 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5