Some people believe that personal happiness is directly related to economic success, Others believe that there are other factors. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Most people argue that economic success is the most important factor in getting personal happiness. While I accept that argument, I believe that many factors which make someone happy.
Many people say that direct factor of personal happiness is financial success because of many reasons. Firstly, people can buy everything they need and they want when they success in gaining their own money. For example, they want to buy a lot of gadgets, they can buy them because they get what they want by money they have. Secondly, people experience that people who reach success in economy have high social status. Other people give more respect to rich people. Being respected by societies makes successful people happier than poor people. Therefore, some people say that economic success has direct effect to happiness because of reasons mentioned above.
On the contrary, other people believe that there are other factors which influence people to be happy. First factor is physical condition. People feel happy when they are healthy. They say that nothing is useful when they get sick because unwell body is the worst condition. For example, they can not eat the most delicious meals in the world when they get so many ulcers in their mouth. Second factor is psychological condition. For instance, people can not feel the happiness of getting lottery when they are in mental sickness, such as delusion or hallucination. They will feel suffered because voice in the hallucination says that they will be murdered.
To sum up, mostly people feel happy when they success in economy. However, people will be happier than others when they succeed not only financially but also physically and mentally.
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Sentence: Firstly, people can buy everything they need and they want when they success in gaining their own money.
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to they and success
when they success in economy.
when they succeed in economy.
flaws:
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.579 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.364 7.5
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 277 350
No. of Characters: 1379 1500
No. of Different Words: 141 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.08 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.978 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.283 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 105 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 72 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 37 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 23 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.579 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.364 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.632 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.365 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.521 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.119 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5