The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
A group of developers have asked for a loan with the hopes to create a jazz music club. They stated that implementing a jazz club would be very profitable to the city of Monroe for multiple reasons. The new jazz club in Monroe would not have any competitors near by. They also mentioned that jazz is very popular in Monroe; there is an annual jazz festival that brings in 100,000 people, and the jazz radio station was deemed the highest rated. The final thing they stated was the fact that the average jazz fan spends $1,000 a year for entertainment. However, the proposed statements above require 2 pieces of evidence in order for their plead to be more valid.
First of all, there needs to be some data on how many people of the 100,000 attendees of the music festival were actually from the city of Monroe. Hypothetically, it is possible that most, if not all, of the people who attended Monroe’s jazz festival were actually from a different city. Popular festivals have been known to attract people from all across the US in recent years. For example, Wefest is a popular festival in Minnesota and it brings in people from all over the Midwest (not just Minnesota). If all of the people that attended the Monroe jazz festival were from different cities, then that would weaken the claim that jazz is popular. Furthermore, if the majority of the 100,000 attendees were actually from Monroe that number would then need to be compared to Monroe’s population. It is possible that the city of Monroe has a couple million people located within and around the city. This would also weaken the claim, due to the fact that the festival could only a small fraction of the population of Monroe.
Secondly, there needs to be evidence on if the Monroe individuals, that are jazz fans, can be compared to the typical fan that spends a great deal of money on entertainment. The Monroe jazz fans could very well be modest spenders when it comes to jazz. Like prior stated, the jazz radio station is rated the highest, and that could mean that fans would much rather listen to jazz on the radio for free compared to going to a $30 music festival. The developers also mentioned that the C-Note would be the only jazz club located within the market. This means that there was not a jazz club prior, and there may not be a lot of information on how much people spend on jazz entertainment in Monroe, other than the data from the music festival. Without this data, the Monroe fans could be parsimonious when it comes to spending money on jazz entertainment rather than an ideal spendthrift fan. If the above situations are true of the jazz fans of Monroe, then the argument made by the developers does not hold water.
In conclusion, the argument by the developers, as it stands, requires more evidence. There are multiple assumptions that would need to be proven, possibly through a data analysis of some sort, in order for it to be considered a valid issue. If the assumptions can be backed up with information on the music festival and the jazz fans of Monroe, then a proper evaluation can be made in favor of building jazz club.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 554 350
No. of Characters: 2506 1500
No. of Different Words: 204 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.852 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.523 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.402 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 152 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 98 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 74 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 36 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.083 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.67 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.625 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.352 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.506 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.137 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 259, Rule ID: NEAR_BY[1]
Message: Did you mean 'nearby'?
Suggestion: nearby
...n Monroe would not have any competitors near by. They also mentioned that jazz is very ...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 519, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...he fact that the average jazz fan spends ,000 a year for entertainment. However, t...
^^
Line 3, column 510, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
...over the Midwest not just Minnesota. If all of the people that attended the Monroe jazz fe...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 849, Rule ID: NODT_DOZEN[1]
Message: Use simply: 'a million'.
Suggestion: a million
...le that the city of Monroe has a couple million people located within and around the ci...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 643, Rule ID: MUCH_COUNTABLE[1]
Message: Use 'many' with countable nouns.
Suggestion: many
... may not be a lot of information on how much people spend on jazz entertainment in M...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, first, furthermore, however, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, well, for example, in conclusion, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 32.0 19.6327345309 163% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.9520958084 139% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 21.0 13.6137724551 154% => OK
Pronoun: 33.0 28.8173652695 115% => OK
Preposition: 80.0 55.5748502994 144% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2572.0 2260.96107784 114% => OK
No of words: 554.0 441.139720559 126% => OK
Chars per words: 4.64259927798 5.12650576532 91% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.85151570047 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.50446303655 2.78398813304 90% => OK
Unique words: 219.0 204.123752495 107% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.395306859206 0.468620217663 84% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 785.7 705.55239521 111% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 35.6495285928 57.8364921388 62% => OK
Chars per sentence: 107.166666667 119.503703932 90% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.0833333333 23.324526521 99% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.33333333333 5.70786347227 93% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 18.0 8.20758483034 219% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.353290581947 0.218282227539 162% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.124756407361 0.0743258471296 168% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0812694849048 0.0701772020484 116% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.238466030923 0.128457276422 186% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0936123475586 0.0628817314937 149% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.0 14.3799401198 83% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 65.05 48.3550499002 135% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.93 12.5979740519 79% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.26 8.32208582834 87% => OK
difficult_words: 87.0 98.500998004 88% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.