The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that they have more leisure time.
The author infers than primary goal of technological advancement should aim increase in people's inefficiency and enable them to have more leisure time. I admit that many technological advancements have made people more efficiently and allow correspondingly more leisure time. However it does not imply that the technological advancement should aimed its goal to allow more relaxing time to people.
To begin with, lots of technological developments actually had increased people's efficiency. People nowadays do not spare many times washing their clothes. They just operate washing machine and wait until it finished. Students in school do not need to waste their time calculating complex formula manipulation. What they need is just pressing some buttons quickly with calculator. Without those, there are too many machines such as e-mail, cellphone, computer, etc which make people more efficient and allows them more spare time comparing to history.
However, the fact that there are many machine which helps people to spare more time to their hobby does not imply that the ultimate goal of technological advancement should be creating more leisure time that people in past could not experience. There are more fundamental goals other than more recreation time in industrial development such as saving people's life, greater performance, investigation, etc. To illustrate, let us consider development of medicine or surgery. Developments of machines which are used by surgeons should not be aimed for their more leisure time. These developments should direct for safety surgery and broadening diseases which can be cured so that diseases which were likely to lead one's death in past can be successfully cured. Likewise, developments in swimming suit or space craft should be aimed for greater swimming performance and investigation of un-known 'universe world' rather than providing more time for hobby merely.
What is more, developing technological advancements only focusing on allowing more leisure time can be harmful. For example, consider the fuel and combustion engine. The development of cars and airplanes which reduces our time enormously when moving relies on their combustion engines which uses oil and fuels. These oil and fuels cause pollution of air and global warming which is baneful. However if we neglect the need for developing replacement such as new renewable energy merely because it does not increase people's efficiency, the global warming would be worse and would induce lots of negative effects such as ozone hole, sea level rise, etc. Likewise regarding ultimate goal of technological advancement is only for allowing more people's ease, it can miss many other important aspects which should be considered when advancing industry.
In conclusion, even though I concede that one of goal of technological development is to increase people's efficient work, I firmly believe that the primary goal of advancement should not be only for making people to enjoy more leisure time. There are many other goals which should be considered and regarding only human's ease can be harmful to society.
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 277, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...llow correspondingly more leisure time. However it does not imply that the technologica...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 34, Rule ID: MANY_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun machine seems to be countable; consider using: 'many machines'.
Suggestion: many machines
...ry. However, the fact that there are many machine which helps people to spare more time t...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 39, Rule ID: THERE_RE_MANY[3]
Message: Possible agreement error. Did you mean 'machines'?
Suggestion: machines
... However, the fact that there are many machine which helps people to spare more time t...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 713, Rule ID: ONES[1]
Message: Did you mean 'one's'?
Suggestion: one's
...that diseases which were likely to lead ones death in past can be successfully cure...
^^^^
Line 5, column 738, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...likely to lead ones death in past can be successfully cured. Likewise, developmen...
^^
Line 7, column 392, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...ir and global warming which is baneful. However if we neglect the need for developing r...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 652, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Likewise,
...uch as ozone hole, sea level rise, etc. Likewise regarding ultimate goal of technologica...
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, however, if, likewise, regarding, so, for example, in conclusion, such as, to begin with, what is more
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.5258426966 113% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 20.0 12.4196629213 161% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 14.8657303371 101% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 11.3162921348 177% => OK
Pronoun: 31.0 33.0505617978 94% => OK
Preposition: 44.0 58.6224719101 75% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 12.9106741573 147% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2640.0 2235.4752809 118% => OK
No of words: 484.0 442.535393258 109% => OK
Chars per words: 5.45454545455 5.05705443957 108% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.69041575982 4.55969084622 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.86316526243 2.79657885939 102% => OK
Unique words: 234.0 215.323595506 109% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.48347107438 0.4932671777 98% => OK
syllable_count: 848.7 704.065955056 121% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.8 1.59117977528 113% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 6.24550561798 96% => OK
Article: 4.0 4.99550561798 80% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 3.10617977528 32% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.77640449438 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.38483146067 91% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 20.2370786517 114% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 23.0359550562 91% => OK
Sentence length SD: 61.3251583549 60.3974514979 102% => OK
Chars per sentence: 114.782608696 118.986275619 96% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.0434782609 23.4991977007 90% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.08695652174 5.21951772744 97% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.97078651685 101% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 7.80617977528 90% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 10.2758426966 136% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 5.13820224719 19% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.83258426966 166% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.541418196565 0.243740707755 222% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.173395549536 0.0831039109588 209% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.153681226744 0.0758088955206 203% => The coherence between sentences is low.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.362043710825 0.150359130593 241% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.138734823182 0.0667264976115 208% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.8 14.1392134831 105% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 33.24 48.8420337079 68% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 12.1743820225 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.33 12.1639044944 118% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.53 8.38706741573 102% => OK
difficult_words: 118.0 100.480337079 117% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 11.8971910112 67% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.2143820225 93% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.7820224719 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.