Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now.
Most of the people wants to be famous and well know persons. However, these days It is kind of trend. Inevitably being famous have some troubles too. Lossing privacy or walking easily in public places and so one. Famous entertainers and athletes are the people that are in the middle of the attention in every society because who don't want to be with them or take photo with them or shake their hands and you name it. It is a normal but when it goes far it kind of disturbance for them and as usual it not avoidable. I beleive they deserve to have more privacy than they have now. In the following I will describe why they deserve more room for privacy.
First of all, they did a great good job that ordinary people wouldn't be about to do it in a normal situations. They worked hard to get it done. They did in a hard way, however. As we know, everything comes with a price. If you pay that price you will get your reward. On the one hand, it is nothing that everyone to do in one day or night or year, it take a lifetime. On the other hand, we should give them some respect for their motivations, which we can use them to state our way. Because of this hardships they did what they believed so why we should just give them some respect. For example, my best friend Mahsa was a athlet. She was so amaizing in her work. She started to be a ping pong player when she was 7 years old. After that age she started to practice and work hard to be a profecinal ping pong player. Last year she wone the first place in Olympic and became a famous women in the history of ping pong. So she and other people which worked hard to get what they deserved, why we just not show them some respect?
Secondly, It kind of anoying. As a normal people I don't like to being followed by people or cammeras or kissed by peoples in the streets. Even though, I don't like to avoid being in the public places. So imagine what will happen if all of these happens to you and me. It makes me to feel badly. Regarding this point of view, famous people always suffer from being in the public in most of the time. Because they are feeling bads about the low privacy which they had. Somethimes it happened that, people stayed in the front of their homes weeks or months just to pick a photo from their daily lifes. It kind of rude and shows how much they have a low privacy. I mean we are a equal people with equal right. So why we should not have the equal privacy. As an example, we all know famous Brad Pitt, when he walks in the streets, he should have two or three bodygurd to protect them from others. Why would he do that if we try to give them some room for enjoying their life. They are famous, yes, but it doesn't mean that we should penetrate on their privacy.
In conclusion, nowadays it is totally well understood that famous people have low privacy in their life. Nevertheless, they are deserve to have more privacy because they did an amaizing job with their hard works and effort. Plus, being followed and distrubted by other people is a kind of anoying that no one like it. So, we should gave them more space.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2023-07-02 | YasamanEsml | 83 | view |
| 2023-07-02 | Vivian Chang | 70 | view |
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| 2023-03-31 | sonyeoso | 90 | view |
| 2023-03-27 | mzt123 | 70 | view |
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- TOEFL T P O 32 Integrated Writing Task 3
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 202, Rule ID: AND_SO_ONE[1]
Message: Did you mean 'and so on' (="etc.")?
Suggestion: and so on
...vacy or walking easily in public places and so one. Famous entertainers and athletes are t...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 331, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
... attention in every society because who dont want to be with them or take photo with...
^^^^
Line 3, column 62, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: wouldn't
...d a great good job that ordinary people wouldnt be about to do it in a normal situation...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 100, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'situation'?
Suggestion: situation
...e wouldnt be about to do it in a normal situations. They worked hard to get it done. They ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 154, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a hard way" with adverb for "hard"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...ey worked hard to get it done. They did in a hard way, however. As we know, everything comes ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 221, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...we know, everything comes with a price. If you pay that price you will get your re...
^^
Line 3, column 352, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'takes'?
Suggestion: takes
...e to do in one day or night or year, it take a lifetime. On the other hand, we shoul...
^^^^
Line 3, column 495, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
...n use them to state our way. Because of this hardships they did what they believed s...
^^^^
Line 3, column 622, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
.... For example, my best friend Mahsa was a athlet. She was so amaizing in her work...
^
Line 3, column 884, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'woman'?
Suggestion: woman
...st place in Olympic and became a famous women in the history of ping pong. So she and...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 52, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...t kind of anoying. As a normal people I dont like to being followed by people or cam...
^^^^
Line 5, column 154, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
... peoples in the streets. Even though, I dont like to avoid being in the public place...
^^^^
Line 5, column 399, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Because” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...eing in the public in most of the time. Because they are feeling bads about the low pri...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 673, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
... they have a low privacy. I mean we are a equal people with equal right. So why w...
^
Line 5, column 1000, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...heir life. They are famous, yes, but it doesnt mean that we should penetrate on their ...
^^^^^^
Line 7, column 129, Rule ID: BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Consider using a past participle here: 'deserved'.
Suggestion: deserved
...y in their life. Nevertheless, they are deserve to have more privacy because they did a...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, however, if, nevertheless, regarding, second, secondly, so, well, for example, i mean, in conclusion, kind of, first of all, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 15.1003584229 159% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 9.8082437276 112% => OK
Conjunction : 23.0 13.8261648746 166% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 11.0286738351 154% => OK
Pronoun: 99.0 43.0788530466 230% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 72.0 52.1666666667 138% => OK
Nominalization: 2.0 8.0752688172 25% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2508.0 1977.66487455 127% => OK
No of words: 593.0 407.700716846 145% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.22934232715 4.8611393121 87% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.93473315629 4.48103885553 110% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.12114975119 2.67179642975 79% => OK
Unique words: 255.0 212.727598566 120% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.430016863406 0.524837075471 82% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 776.7 618.680645161 126% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.3 1.51630824373 86% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 22.0 9.59856630824 229% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 0.0 3.08781362007 0% => OK
Subordination: 9.0 3.51792114695 256% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.94265232975 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 40.0 20.6003584229 194% => OK
Sentence length: 14.0 20.1344086022 70% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 36.9523257049 48.9658058833 75% => OK
Chars per sentence: 62.7 100.406767564 62% => OK
Words per sentence: 14.825 20.6045352989 72% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.85 5.45110844103 71% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 16.0 5.5376344086 289% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 16.0 11.8709677419 135% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 11.0 3.85842293907 285% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 13.0 4.88709677419 266% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.277177399548 0.236089414692 117% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0708511765334 0.076458572812 93% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.124163692882 0.0737576698707 168% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.227354508047 0.150856017488 151% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.137206387438 0.0645574589148 213% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 5.9 11.7677419355 50% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 82.65 58.1214874552 142% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 5.2 10.1575268817 51% => Flesch kincaid grade is low.
coleman_liau_index: 6.66 10.9000537634 61% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 6.38 8.01818996416 80% => OK
difficult_words: 77.0 86.8835125448 89% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 10.002688172 80% => OK
gunning_fog: 7.6 10.0537634409 76% => OK
text_standard: 6.0 10.247311828 59% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.