The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. Nevertheless, the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, a jazz music club in Monroe would be tremendously profitable."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
The author makes an argument in favor of construction of an jazz music club in Monroe. The author supports his claim by addressing the growing popularity in Monroe surrounding the jazz music and provides suitable examples to drive their point further. Stated like this the authors claims look logical and practical but they lack the basis of sound evidence. The examples stated lack some clarity and adds more doubts on the claim's made by the author. Major assumptions play an important role in their argument and many unanswered questions leave the argument more ambiguous, making the author sound obscure.
First of all, the author mentions that over 100,000 people attended the annual jazz festival. It is implicitly stated that this number is huge without any evidence. To illustrate, assume a town of population 500,000. If an event in this town received an attendance of 50, it is clear that the attendance is not that large in proportion with the population of the town. But, assume another town with a population of 100. The town conducted an event and has procured the same attendance of 50. In this case, the attendance is very large in proportion with the population. Hence, providing a census of the population of Monroe for clear interpretation of whether the attendance received by the annual jazz festival is huge or small, would make the author more credible.
Additionally, the author readily assumes that since Monroe is housing many jazz musicians, the residents are more inclined towards the jazz music. Imagine a man who posses many guitars and has made a habit of collecting them in new styles and different sounds. His possession does not guarantee his skills in the art. He could be a owner of a guitar ship or a guitar maker and so on. Unless explicitly stated by the man that he is good at playing them it cannot be assumed that he is a good player. Similarly, housing many musicians from one particular genre cannot guarantee the willingness of the people towards events or clubs incorporating jazz or the genre specifies. Modifying the statement to include the connection between the musicians and the phenomenon of becoming a jazz fan would have made author more convincing to the reader.
Furthermore, The author also states that a typical jazz fan spends around 1000 dollars per year. No such criteria upon which this conclusion is derived is given in the argument. To illustrate, assume a group of 10 friends. One of them donates a 100 dollar bill for a noble cause. Now the average of the donation made by the group is 10 dollars. This statement implies that every one of the group paid dollars even though 9 of them have not even participated in the donation. Similarly, an analysis of typical fan spending's without separating the jazz fans from non jazz fans is a miscalculated statistics. Including a detailed instructions of this conclusion was calculated would have bolstered the author's argument and made them less abstruse.
In conclusion, the author makes interesting points with no back ground data to support his views. Without any changes or addition of required information, the author cannot make a valid argument. In fact, the overall statements made by the author looks like wishful thinking rather than an argument made on substantive evidence.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 31 15
No. of Words: 552 350
No. of Characters: 2693 1500
No. of Different Words: 265 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.847 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.879 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.681 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 196 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 143 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 103 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 68 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.806 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.104 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.355 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.266 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.266 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.116 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 58, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'a' instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
Suggestion: a
...an argument in favor of construction of an jazz music club in Monroe. The author s...
^^
Line 3, column 330, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...ntee his skills in the art. He could be a owner of a guitar ship or a guitar make...
^
Line 3, column 384, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Unless” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...uitar ship or a guitar maker and so on. Unless explicitly stated by the man that he is...
^^^^^^
Line 4, column 627, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'instruction'?
Suggestion: instruction
...ulated statistics. Including a detailed instructions of this conclusion was calculated would...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 699, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...was calculated would have bolstered the authors argument and made them less abstruse. ...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, hence, if, look, similarly, so, in conclusion, in fact, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 12.9520958084 54% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 11.1786427146 143% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 28.8173652695 118% => OK
Preposition: 70.0 55.5748502994 126% => OK
Nominalization: 31.0 16.3942115768 189% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2748.0 2260.96107784 122% => OK
No of words: 552.0 441.139720559 125% => OK
Chars per words: 4.97826086957 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.84713113593 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.75020525861 2.78398813304 99% => OK
Unique words: 266.0 204.123752495 130% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.481884057971 0.468620217663 103% => OK
syllable_count: 855.9 705.55239521 121% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 31.0 19.7664670659 157% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 41.038724384 57.8364921388 71% => OK
Chars per sentence: 88.6451612903 119.503703932 74% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.8064516129 23.324526521 76% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.1935483871 5.70786347227 56% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 8.20758483034 171% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.67664670659 214% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.192786847435 0.218282227539 88% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0505518776869 0.0743258471296 68% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0636732378796 0.0701772020484 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0999385729188 0.128457276422 78% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0600346382599 0.0628817314937 95% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.9 14.3799401198 76% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 54.22 48.3550499002 112% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.31 12.5979740519 90% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.03 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 124.0 98.500998004 126% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.