172 The following appeared in a recommendation from the president of Amburg's Chamber of Commerce.
"Last October the city of Belleville installed high-intensity lighting in its central business district, and vandalism there declined within a month. The city of Amburg has recently begun police patrols on bicycles in its business district, but the rate of vandalism there remains constant. We should install high-intensity lighting throughout Amburg, then, because doing so is a more effective way to combat crime. By reducing crime in this way, we can revitalize the declining neighborhoods in our city."
The president was recommended to install high-intensity lighting though out Amburg to reduce crime and revitalize the neighborhoods for the reasons that high-intensity lighting installed in Belleville successfully reduce vandalism in a month as well as the police patrols in Amburg does not reduce the rate of vandalism. At the first glance, this suggestion seems plausible, however, a close scrutiny reveals its untenability.
First, the author claims the suggestion based on an assumption that the existence of vandalism is concentrated in the business district of both cities. However, the success of high-intensity lighting in Belleville may due to the concentration of vandalism in the business district. If the vandalism is distributed outside the business district, the police patrols only in business district in Amburg would undoubtedly be useless. Therefore, the effectiveness of high-intensity lighting and police patrols are not as comparable as the author thought.
Second, the author mistakenly equals the number of vandalism to the rate of vandalism. Although the vandalism has declined in Amburg, it does not mean the rate of vandalism also has declined during the last October. The author overlooks a strong possibility that the residents number may have reduced significantly in the business district in the last October. Once the rate of vandalism remains the same or even larger, the effectiveness of high-intensity lighting will be the same or lower than the police patrols.
Finally, suppose the utilization of high-intensity lighting in Amburg can effectively reduce the crime, it does not mean the neighborhoods can be revitalized. The declining neighborhoods may be caused by multiple reasons such as the less conversation time, the lack of spare time or other same reasons. Thus the assertion that the reducing crime can ameliorate the neighborhoods is not sustainable.
In conclusion, the author fails to prove the effectiveness of high-intensity lighting in Amburg at least base on this letter. To make argument more persuasive, the author should provide more information about the distribution of vandalism, the rate of vandalism in both cities and other possible reasons for declining neighborhoods.
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argument 1 -- not OK. Why you think it will not work out of business district?
Suggested:
the author assumes that the only reason for the decline of vandalism in Belleville is the installation of high-intensity lights. He fails to take into account any other factors that might have contributed, such as an increase in the efficiency of Belleville's police or rise in education or employment levels in Belleville leading to a decrease in the number of vandals. Therefore, declaring that the decrease in crime in that city is a direct result of the installation of high-intensity lights & that the same would work in Amburg, seems a bit hasty.
argument 2 -- where did you get 'Although the vandalism has declined in Amburg,'?
suggested:
The city of Amburg is quoted to have introduced the police patrols on bicycles recently. However, we cannot judge the effectiveness of police patrols, unless they are instituted over a long period of time. After immediately introducing police patrols, we cannot exactly determine the applicability of this measure.
can the city of Amburg and Belleville ever be compared to each other? They must have the same stretch of land, similar kind of vandalism level existing in each city. Only then, can we arrive at an exact conclusion regarding the effectiveness of vandalism-control measures. Based on the given information, we cannot arrive at the applicability of high-intensity lighting measures to both of the areas.
argument 3 -- OK
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
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No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 340 350
No. of Characters: 1855 1500
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Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.294 4.7
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No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 89 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 64 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
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Sentence Length SD: 8.055 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.867 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.399 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.629 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.093 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5