Further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full time or part time

Essay topics:

Further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time.

The graph depicts the number of men and women who gained education in Britain over three periods. This bar char is calibrated in thousands. Generally, both men and women experienced an increase in full-time education. Part-time education, meanwhile, shows a rise for women and men fluctuate.

A glance at full-time education, men started at approximately 100 and were about a half of men in the year 1970/71. They continued going up in 1980/81, and in fact, women were much higher than men, about 200 ad 150 respectively. At the end of the period, 1990/91, both were at the same position by roughly 210.

On the other hand, male were at 1000 in part-time education in the first period. Again, women, however, were below of men just under 800. While men dropped at around 850, women encountered a rise, although its number was not higher that men, about 830.

In contrast, at the last period, when men were just going up slightly, women rose dramatically, and this made women were positioned at the first rank in further education, about 860 and just over 1000 respectively.

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Comments

meanwhile, shows a rise for women and men fluctuate.
Description: two verbs in one sentence. can you re-write this sentence?

although its number was not higher that men
although its number was not higher than that for men

and this made women were positioned at the first rank
Description: two verbs in one sentence. can you re-write this sentence?

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2

Didn't describe the graph clearly.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 11 10
No. of Words: 187 200
No. of Characters: 852 1000
No. of Different Words: 109 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.698 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.556 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.514 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 46 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 36 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 28 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 23 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.604 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.455 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.442 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.636 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.12 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4

Sorry.. I didn't get your point to combine two verbs into one sentence. Hopefully you may give me any input, so I can learn from my mistake. :-)

meanwhile, shows a rise for women and men fluctuate.
**Description: two verbs in one sentence. can you re-write this sentence?
Is this correct ??
meanwhile, both women and men show different progress.

although its number was not higher that men
**although its number was not higher than that for men
NB : OK. I got your point on this sentence. But, I didn't quite understand, why did u put preposition for after that ?? Could u please explain me ??

and this made women were positioned at the first rank
**Description: two verbs in one sentence. can you re-write this sentence?
I don't have any idea about this.

NB : Any input or suggestion, I really appreciate and love to learn :-)

for one sentence, the basic structure is:

subject + verb + object

look, you can only have one verb for one sentence.

while 'meanwhile, shows a rise for women and men fluctuate.' has two verbs: 'show' and 'fluctuate'

'and this made women were positioned at the first rank' has two verbs too: 'made' and 'were'

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for something A comparing to another thing B, A B should be parallel, look at this sentence:

although its number was not higher that men

A: its number
so B should be some 'number' too.

the sentence can be modified to:

although its number(A) was not higher than the number(B) for men

since we don't want to repeat the number(B), we can use 'that' referring to the number(B):

although its number was not higher than that for men

Thanks for your reply :-)
I see.. we should avoid two verbs in one sentence. But, the thing is, I still don't know how to concatenate or make one verb but already cover up 2 meanings as my cases above. May you give me a clue ??