What change would you make your home town more appealing to people of your age Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion

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What change would you make your home town more appealing to people of your age? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

My home town Visakhapatnam "The city of destiny" is the second largest city in Andhra Pradesh. It is well known for its rapid developing economy and its current stable circumstances.It attracts thousands and thousands of tourists everyday as well as residents every year, most of who are young people of my age.Constructing public facilities or broadening the usage of foreign language may make Visakhapatnam mor and more attractive, but the improvement is the most appealing among all of these.

Firstly, the youth tends to be more sensitive about the atmosphere they live or work than their older generation. As they grow up in the belief that nothing is more important than health and fitness, they take care of their physical condition in a delicate way. In Visakhapatnam government has taken various initiatives to protect the environment like planting trees in various areas by organizing massive trees plantation program and thus making city clean and green. Though, care has been taken to cover all the areas, still some areas are left dirty and disordered. If this situation can be changed , it will surely be more popular for young investors.

On the other hand, a noticeable feature of the youth is their love of the natural surroundings and their zeal of recycling. I do not suppose they would like to live in a city where citizens use plastic bags everywhere and everyday which is creating a lot of health problems to the people by the chemicals that are present in the plastic bag. In addition the citizens do not own a credible source of drinking water, air pollution caused by the emission of waste gases by industries, all of which are the problems facing by the people.

Last but not least, a good surrounding with fresh air and pleasant climate can directly influence the mood of people and thus improve work efficiency. For example, if there is fresh and cool air, the person who is working hard under hot sun will surely feel rejuvenate and carry out his work with out any restlessness.

All in all, the ideal environment is what people of my age care a lot and what Visakhapatnam is lack of, so some improvement in these fields, would make Visakhapatnam, my home town more appealing and healthier.

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most of who are young people of my age.
most of them are young people of my age.

flaws:
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.05 0.07

Be sensitive to use 'On the other hand', 'However','Nonetheless' in the essays.

'On the other hand' means However. It doesn't mean 'On another hand'

Better like this:

para 1: introduction. My choice A or B. agree or disagree
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3 (optional)
para 5: conclusion. because of reason 1,2,3, so A or B. agree or disagree

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 380 350
No. of Characters: 1803 1500
No. of Different Words: 211 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.415 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.745 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.702 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 111 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 90 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 64 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 45 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 29.231 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.974 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.846 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.319 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.617 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.05 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5