The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web

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The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.

The line graph demonstrates the figure of visits to various sites over period of fortnight. The vertical axis represents number of visits in thousands while horizontal axis reveals time period in days.

It can be clearly seen that overall trends illustrate that the number of visits to both sites was much lesser on day 7, 8,9 in comparison to other days. between day 1 and11, the figure of travels to Music choice followed a zig zag trend between 40 and 20000 visits except day three when it escalated to 60000. Morever, it mushroomed to 120000 visits. After having a dip on day 13, the level of ...

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Sentence: The vertical axis represents number of visits in thousands while horizontal axis reveal time period in days.
Description: The fragment axis reveal time is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace reveal with verb, present tense, 3rd person singular

Sentence: Their was a cosiderable difference between the figure of users of Pop Parade and Music choice in both begining and ending as compared to middle time period where it was insignificant.
Description: The tag a determiner, possessive is not usually followed by was
Suggestion: Refer to Their and was

Sentence: Morever, it mashroomed to 120000 visits.
Error: mashroomed Suggestion: mushroomed

Sentence: The line graph depicts that from day 1 to 9, the extent of users to Pop Parade diminished radically with flactuations, falling by three fold further it upsurged substantially to around 160000 users on day 11.
Error: flactuations Suggestion: fluctuations

Sentence: Their was a cosiderable difference between the figure of users of Pop Parade and Music choice in both begining and ending as compared to middle time period where it was insignificant.
Error: begining Suggestion: beginning
Error: cosiderable Suggestion: considerable

Sentence: It is, therefore, clear that the number of users elevated remarkable for both sites over given period of time inspite of noticeable flactuations.
Error: inspite Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: flactuations Suggestion: fluctuations

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 10 10
No. of Words: 249 200
No. of Characters: 1140 1000
No. of Different Words: 133 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.972 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.578 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.6 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 81 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 47 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 31 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 24 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.9 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 14.159 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.3 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.42 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.661 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.145 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4

Hi sir I would like to ask that If my essay doesnt get at least 7.5 bands then I dont get anypoint ??

what kind of essay I need to write to get points ????

N without spelling errors ..how much score I could get ????

Tnxxx very much sir ..i m so happy to get gift of 50 points.

Sir I tried my level best to get 8.0 or 8.5 in above task 1 but I got only 7.0 what shoud I do more to get 8.0 or 8.5 bands especially in task 1 ??????

The language of this essay is good enough to get 8.0 or 8.5, but you need to organize the content better. In this essay, we are confused by the content of the second paragraph and the third paragraph. You need to make us very clear what you are talking about even though there are no images.

Read some samples which will be helpful for you:

para 1: introduction
para 2: body 1
para 3: body 2
para 4: conclusion

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or
para 1: introduction
para 2: conclusion
para 3: body 1
para 4: body 2

sample:
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