The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
A group of developers has opened an application for a business idea of creating a jazz music club in the city of Monroe. The group states that the Jazz club would be highly profitable since there are no jazz clubs near to the city of Monroe. Even though the written application and the idea of building a Jazz club seem plausible, the argument is flawed because it lacks some evidences.
First, the writer states that there are more than 100,000 people who attend the Monroe’s Jazz festival last summer. However, the author did not mention form where those people came from. Did they come mostly from outside the city of Monroe or from the inside? If they came from outside the city, then that does not there enough people who are interested in Jazz music in city of Monroe. Moreover, the population of the city of Monroe might be small in size that building a Jazz club would be unprofitable.
Secondly, the grope states that several well-know jazz musicians live in the city of Monroe. Nevertheless, the author did not mentioned how these famous Jazz musicians they would contribute in the success of the Jazz club. Since the group announcing for an idea of small-business, that mean the budget for the Jazz club would be limited. Moreover, inviting on of the famous Jazz musician would extremely expensive for the owner of club.
The grope justify the projected success of the Jazz club by high rated radio program in Monroe : the Jazz Nightly. Nonetheless, the grope did not mention how many programs are there in the radio station and how many people are rating and listing to the Jazz Nightly program. If there are many people from Monroe listing to the Jazz program in the radio, then it is sign of successful business idea. However, if the number of people who are listing is small then business idea has to be reevaluated.
In conclusion, the business idea of building a jazz club in the Monroe city might be profitable. However, the group has to provide more clear evidence that Jazz club would be profitable business in Monroe city.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
some arguments missing:
Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself.
...
Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 357 350
No. of Characters: 1649 1500
No. of Different Words: 139 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.347 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.619 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.325 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 106 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 70 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 45 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 26 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.833 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 3.948 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.431 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.629 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.2 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 449, Rule ID: ADJECTIVE_IN_ATTRIBUTE[1]
Message: A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
Suggestion: small
...pulation of the city of Monroe might be small in size that building a Jazz club would be unpr...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 127, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'did' requires the base form of the verb: 'mention'
Suggestion: mention
...onroe. Nevertheless, the author did not mentioned how these famous Jazz musicians they wo...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 11, Rule ID: MASS_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: 'justifies'.
Suggestion: justifies
...ive for the owner of club. The grope justify the projected success of the Jazz club ...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 85, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...he Jazz club by high rated radio program in Monroe : the Jazz Nightly. Nonetheles...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, however, if, moreover, nevertheless, nonetheless, second, secondly, so, then, well, as to, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 11.1786427146 36% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 14.0 28.8173652695 49% => OK
Preposition: 47.0 55.5748502994 85% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 16.3942115768 49% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1705.0 2260.96107784 75% => OK
No of words: 357.0 441.139720559 81% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.77591036415 5.12650576532 93% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.34677393335 4.56307096286 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.4808573947 2.78398813304 89% => OK
Unique words: 143.0 204.123752495 70% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.40056022409 0.468620217663 85% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 525.6 705.55239521 74% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 4.96107784431 20% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 21.6769206505 57.8364921388 37% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 94.7222222222 119.503703932 79% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.8333333333 23.324526521 85% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.44444444444 5.70786347227 113% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.450485007957 0.218282227539 206% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.181704466385 0.0743258471296 244% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.118588275215 0.0701772020484 169% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.302764588932 0.128457276422 236% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.114382931755 0.0628817314937 182% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.0 14.3799401198 76% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 60.65 48.3550499002 125% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.44 12.5979740519 83% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.19 8.32208582834 86% => OK
difficult_words: 59.0 98.500998004 60% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.