The following appeared in a health magazine.
"The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles. Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol. This trend is also evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The conclusion that citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles could be solid. But the author makes a number of unsubstantiated assumptions regarding some information collected. Based on these assumptions, the author makes his/her bold conclusion that people from Forsythe now have a healthier life. Although this conclusion could be supported by the provided information, it can be wrong.
The author's first mistake is to assume that because of the eating habits of the population of Forsythe are now more closely to government nutritional recommendation, they became more wholesome. The author points out that a recent study shows this apparent change, and he/she also mentions that these recent habits are different than they had ten years ago. The author gives no reason however, to conclude that. Perhaps the government nutritional recommendations are brief and vague advices which do not make stronger influence in the population; as for example, reducing the quantity of meat per week. This does not imply by accomplishing that somebody would become healthier. Does it provides a quantity necessary of proteins or vitaminfor having a wholesome body? Or perhaps, people from Forsythe change their lifestyles depending on the season, thus, this survey only represent "a picture" of the present but in the next season this will change. If the author had presented the details of the recommendations given by the government and these fit with the specialist recommends, his/her argument would more persuasive.
Secondly, the argument leaves many other unanswered questions. The author contends that there has been an increase in sales of food products containing kiran. Nevertheless, the argument does not provide an exact percentage of the population which are consuming this type of food. It is possible that a small quantity of persons (as 1% of the total) has been consuming this, and by increasing four times, does it represent a majority of the entire population eating this kind of food? The answer is No. The author could strengthen his/her argument by providing the exact number of people which eat now these food products and this represents that the majority of people consume these.
Finally, the author claims that the trend which shows a change in the lifestyles is there has also been a reduction of sales of sulia. This does not imply that people have quitted consuming that product because they have a healthier life. Maybe the prizes of that product consumed by most healthy citizens increased too much and people cannot now afford it. Or it is also possible that the most healthy citizens who ate this product has changed the diet for consuming other similar product but the quantity of most healthy citizens is the same. The author needs to present a results of survey which demonstrates that people decided to stop the consume of sulia because of they changed to healthier lifestyles, and this product was not necessary anymore, in order to bolster his/her argument.
Because of the author presents some unsubstantiated assumptions about the possible change in the lifestyles of citizens of Forsythe, he/she fails in creating a solid case which support his/her conclusion.
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Sentence: The author needs to present a results of survey which demonstrates that people decided to stop the consume of sulia because of they changed to healthier lifestyles, and this product was not necessary anymore, in order to bolster his/her argument.
Description: Don't put a complete sentence after 'because of'
Sentence: This does not imply that people have quitted consuming that product because they have a healthier life.
Error: quitted Suggestion: quit
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argument 1 -- not OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 522 350
No. of Characters: 2642 1500
No. of Different Words: 226 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.78 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.061 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.747 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 195 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 148 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 110 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 67 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.696 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.411 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.522 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.307 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.504 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.133 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5