The following appeared in an article written by Dr. Karp, an anthropologist.
"Twenty years ago, Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia and concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents. However, my recent interviews with children living in the group of islands that includes Tertia show that these children spend much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village. This research of mine proves that Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture is invalid and thus that the observation-centered approach to studying cultures is invalid as well. The interview-centered method that my team of graduate students is currently using in Tertia will establish a much more accurate understanding of child-rearing traditions there and in other island cultures."
In the argument , the author claims that the interview-centered method will establish a much more accurate understanding of child-rearing traditions there and in other island cultures. He cites various evidences to bolster it. However, a closer analysis will show otherwise,so the more specific evidences are needs to make the argument more sound.
First, the author need to clarify whether the child-rearing traditions change or not during the twenty years.this specific evidence could strengthen or weaken the argument depending on the answer. If the child-rearing traditions have changed during the twenty years,it is unnecessary to discuss which method should apply to get more accurate result. Because maybe both methods are right and the result they got by their own are also valuable, only the researches were conducted in different time.
Second, the author needs to clarify that whether the children participated in the interview told the truth. This evidence, again, can go either director. If the author substantiate the children didn't tell the interviewers truth, then the argument will be supported. For that matter, even if those children wants to tell the truth subjectively, I still wonder whether these children can elucidate their thinking. Thus, the result got from the interview is not accurate.
Third, the author also must provide that one method,such as interview,can be used in different investigations which will facing different people and different situations, including their habits and costumes. Depending on it, the argument could be bolstered or enervated.
In sum, the argument is unpersuasive and the author needs to cites other specific evidences as follows:1)the child-rearing traditions are remaining during the twenty years.2)the children participated in the interview want to told the truth and also have the ability to elucidate clarify.3)One method,such as interview,can be used in different investigations.
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Sentence: If the author substantiate the children didn't tell the interviewers truth, then the argument will be supported.
Description: The fragment author substantiate the is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace substantiate with verb, past tense
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to interviewers and truth
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, present participle or gerund
Suggestion: Refer to will and facing
Sentence: In sum, the argument is unpersuasive and the author needs to cites other specific evidences as follows:1the child-rearing traditions are remaining during the twenty years.2the children participated in the interview want to told the truth and also have the ability to elucidate clarify.3One method,such as interview,can be used in different investigations.
Description: The token to is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to to and cites
flaws:
No. of Different Words: 150 200
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 303 350
No. of Characters: 1609 1500
No. of Different Words: 150 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.172 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.31 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.931 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 122 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 89 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 73 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.643 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.239 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.363 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.606 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.072 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5