"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
The statement given is found to be a conclusion made from a research by scientists on a group of eighteen rhesus monkeys. The study has resulted that the level of stimulation is more on the first born monkeys than their siblings which they also observed the same pattern in human when subjected to stimulations and the scientists have also observed the production of the hormone cortisol at higher levels in the first born monkeys which also was observed in humans. It is also stated that the cortisol level is higher in the first-time mother monkeys. It can be found that the statement contains flaws and the research may not be completely accepted based on the facts provided by the scientists.
First and foremost, the study states that the experiment was conducted only on the “rhesus” breed monkeys. We cannot accept a theory based on the research conducted on one breed and arrive to a conclusion that it can be widely applied to all the primates. It can be noted that the study conducted on the other breed of the primates did not result in the same conclusion. It is also noted that the argument proposed is also not certain. The word “clues” in the statement proposes that the scientists have not completely acknowledged the experiment results and is just a conjecture arrived by the scientists. So we cannot accept the statement based on a conjecture.
It is also noted that the research states that the first-born rhesus monkeys produce more cortisol hormones than its siblings when experiencing a stimulating situations. But these production of cortisol hormones were found to be produced less in the other breeds of monkeys. When the other breeds like chimpanzees and gorilla were subjected to similar tests, it was observed that they produced relatively less amount of cortisol hormones. It may be true that the first-born human also produces the same amount of cortisol hormones as that of the rhesus monkeys but as I mentioned above, tests conducted on a single breed cannot be applied on all the breed.
The last line in the statement concludes that the first-time mother monkeys produces large amount of cortisol hormones than the monkeys with more number of offspring. This result was found to be negative on humans and other breed. As per the research results by the other scientist in Africa, who examined all the breeds of the primates they presented that the level of cortisol in the particular “rhesus” monkeys were tend to be more than all the other breeds of monkeys and even human. And the hormones tend to get increased even more when they face a stimulating conditions. First-time pregnant rhesus monkeys get stimulated more than the monkeys with more offspring. Hence the level of cortisol hormone gets increased in rhesus breed. The rhesus monkeys can be agitated easily which also leads to the production of more cortisol hormone.
Thus we can see that the statement presented by the scientist without a proper validation results in argument and hence based on the reasons stated above the research is not valid. The scientist have to be more precise in their research that there should be no argument over it.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 532 350
No. of Characters: 2574 1500
No. of Different Words: 177 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.803 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.838 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.574 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 183 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 141 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 109 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 58 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.13 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.551 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.522 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.366 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.366 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.159 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 59, Rule ID: A_UNCOUNTABLE[1]
Message: Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply 'research'.
Suggestion: research
...n is found to be a conclusion made from a research by scientists on a group of eighteen rh...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 174, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this production' or 'these productions'?
Suggestion: this production; these productions
...eriencing a stimulating situations. But these production of cortisol hormones were found to be p...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 430, Rule ID: BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Consider using a past participle here: 'tended'.
Suggestion: tended
...ticular 'rhesus' monkeys were tend to be more than all the other breeds of...
^^^^
Line 4, column 682, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...e than the monkeys with more offspring. Hence the level of cortisol hormone gets incr...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Thus,
...e production of more cortisol hormone. Thus we can see that the statement presented...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, hence, may, so, thus
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 29.0 19.6327345309 148% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 25.0 13.6137724551 184% => OK
Pronoun: 39.0 28.8173652695 135% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 66.0 55.5748502994 119% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2647.0 2260.96107784 117% => OK
No of words: 532.0 441.139720559 121% => OK
Chars per words: 4.97556390977 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.80261649409 4.56307096286 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.79634752346 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 181.0 204.123752495 89% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.34022556391 0.468620217663 73% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 818.1 705.55239521 116% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 67.991020201 57.8364921388 118% => OK
Chars per sentence: 115.086956522 119.503703932 96% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.1304347826 23.324526521 99% => OK
Discourse Markers: 1.65217391304 5.70786347227 29% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.112898674722 0.218282227539 52% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.041544270263 0.0743258471296 56% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.044089840791 0.0701772020484 63% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0669416230693 0.128457276422 52% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0493758864466 0.0628817314937 79% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.6 14.3799401198 95% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 56.59 48.3550499002 117% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.9 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.39 8.32208582834 89% => OK
difficult_words: 88.0 98.500998004 89% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.0 12.3882235529 105% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.