what would you change in your hometown?

Essay topics:

what would you change in your hometown?

Indonesia has a lot of Island which have kind of city. I was born in Sidrap of South Sulawesi, and I stay in there with my family. That is my hometown. In Sidrap, most people have rice as their livelihood. There are schools, health centers, hospital, the market, and also regional office. Beside that there are a rivers and the sea which can we visit as holiday place. But it are still publication in Indonesia, it is because the local government does not care about the place. I want change my hometown became wonderful place.

Firstly, I want change education system in my City. In Sidrap, many children who stay in there have not education. It is because they have not money to pay for their school. Beside that, there is have limited number of schools. I will build some schools and miraculous the course as English and Science courses. This is important for the other children to their life.

Secondly, I will make a city park as a place to relax, and it is can use as reading garden. The city can became beautiful and comfortable city. The place can to make modern design with to plant flowers, and it can put a lot of lamp. So that, the peoples can go to that place for hangout together with their friends or their family.

Finally, I will make recreation areas to around coastal areas or river. The place must to keep it clean and re-arrange of recreation place, so that it can invite many people who stay in outside the area for visited in my hometown. Everyday, the peoples have many activities which much them to do as the businessman or students who have many duty in their school. And recreation areas are the great place for our visit when we have free times.

To include, I can change my hometown became the something different which has many uniqueness from the other place which that exist in Indonesia. So that many people from outside of local until peoples from foreign country for visiting in my hometown, and that can make my hometown became famous city in Indonesia.

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Comments

Sentence: But it are still publication in Indonesia, it is because the local government does not care about the place.
Description: The fragment still publication in is not usually preceded by are
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace are with is

Sentence: I will build some schools and miraculous the course as English and Science courses.
Description: The tag an adjective is not usually followed by the
Suggestion: Refer to miraculous and the

The city can became beautiful and comfortable city.
The city can become a beautiful and comfortable city.

Sentence: Everyday, the peoples have many activities which much them to do as the businessman or students who have many duty in their school.
Description: An adverb is not usually followed by a pronoun, personal, accusative
Suggestion: Refer to much and them

Sentence: To include, I can change my hometown became the something different which has many uniqueness from the other place which that exist in Indonesia.
Description: A WH-determiner is not usually followed by a WH-pronoun, nominative
Suggestion: Refer to which and that

flaws:
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.917 21.0
No. of Different Words: 160 200
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2

Read a good grammar book.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 9
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 358 350
No. of Characters: 1585 1500
No. of Different Words: 160 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.35 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.427 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.247 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 99 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 66 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 39 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 23 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.917 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.601 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.375 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.307 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.495 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.117 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5