Some people believe that success in life depends on hard work and determination, while others believe that other factors like money and personal appearance are important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Success in life is a sum of many factors, namely competencies, hard work, determination, lucky and other factors. While it it argued by many that success in life is mainly attributed to hard work and determination, there still remain some arguments against this issue as they believe other factors like money and personal appearance are also pivotal. Overall, this issue has aroused many arguments among people of concern.
First of all, people in favour of hard work and determination leading to success argue that no matter what position you take, hardness and strong will are vitally pivotal to ensure success. At work, for example, all employers appreciate hard work and effort of their employees irrespective of their ability. Once people received support from their boss, they definitely get promoted more rapidly. While it is admitted that personal appearance is also important, particularly in works that involve interaction with people like receptionist, personal appearance plus hard work and determination are responsible for much more glorious achievement. Moreover, it is only hard work and determination that can lead to high achievement at school.
On the contrary, it is believed that other factors like money and personal appearance are more important. Money is able to support one’s education trainning, thus facilitating their way to reach achievement in academic areas. Equally important, though personal appearance is believed to be extremely essential when applying for a job, particularly in the interview. It shows how confident, professional and determined the applicants are. It is obvious that many people are extremely excellent but still fail to get high achievement in life as they lack of personal appearance.
By ways of conclusion, it is my personal believe that success in life is attributed to a great deal of factors. People should assess the criteria dependent on particular aspects. While hard work and determination are essential to succeed in school and jobs that involve academic problems, other factor like money and personal appearance facilitate the growth in challenging and interactive environment.
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Comments
besides the limited different
besides the limited different words, what can I improve to achieve band 8 on essay. Please give me some advice. Thanks ^^
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determination, lucky and other factors.
determination, luck and other factors.
While it it argued by many that
While it is argued by many that
Sentence: By ways of conclusion, it is my personal believe that success in life is attributed to a great deal of factors.
Description: An adjective is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to personal and believe
Sentence: Money is able to support one's education trainning, thus facilitating their way to reach achievement in academic areas.
Error: trainning Suggestion: training
flaws:
No. of Different Words: 165 200
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 332 350
No. of Characters: 1773 1500
No. of Different Words: 165 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.269 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.34 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.929 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 131 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 109 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 78 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 55 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.75 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.807 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.562 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.355 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.547 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.094 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5