The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of a large, highly diversified company.
“Ten years ago our company had two new regional office buildings built in two different regions. The buildings were erected by two different construction companies – Alpha and Zeta. Even though the two buildings had virtually identical floor plans, the building constructed by Zeta cost 30 percent more to build, and its expenses for maintenance last year were twice those of the building constructed by Alpha. Furthermore, the energy consumption of the Zeta building has been higher than that of the Alpha building every year since its construction. Such data, plus the fact that Alpha has a stable workforce with little employee turnover, indicate that we should use Alpha Construction Company, rather than Zeta, for all future building projects.”
The argument presented by the author appears to be convincing at first. But on observing closely, we get to know that the argument is rife with holes and assumptions which must be glanced upon and taken into consideration to obtain a convincing result.
At first, the author mentions that the building constructed by Zeta cost more than the one constructed by Alpha even though the floor plans of both the building were same. In this case, the author fails to mention more about the buildings like the number of floors, area of the building, etc. If the floors of the building built by Zeta are more than it is obvious that it will cost more. Even if the area of the building is quite lively and happening then again it becomes clear as to why the building built by Zeta costs more.
Later on the author mentions that Zeta’s building expenses were only half to that of Alpha’s. Here, the author again fails to mention the reasons for the same. It may be that the working time of the employees in the building built by Zeta is less as compared to that of Alpha’s. Also if the number of employees are less then the usage of all the amenities in the building will be less which again contributes to less expenses. Thus, such details must be mentioned so as to clearly understand why the cost of expenses in the building built by Zeta is low.
Furthermore, it is also mentioned that the energy consumption of the Zeta building is less as compared to that of Alpha. This may be due to the less number of employees working in the building built by Zeta as mentioned earlier. It may also be possible that the building built by Zeta is smaller than Alpha’s building which in turn answers the question as to why Zeta’s building has less energy consumption. We also do not know the work done by the employees working in the Zeta building. If most of their work is on field that is they spend very less amount of time in the office building than it is evident that the energy consumption of the Zeta building will be less.
Thus, it is important for author to take into consideration such assumptions. This will provide a more clear picture as to which construction company will be best suited for their new project.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 401 350
No. of Characters: 1775 1500
No. of Different Words: 151 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.475 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.426 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.401 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 104 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 81 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 57 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 28 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.733 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.446 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.933 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.428 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.674 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.194 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 248, Rule ID: COMP_THAN[1]
Message: Comparison requires 'than', not 'then' nor 'as'.
Suggestion: than
...s in the building built by Zeta is less as compared to that of Alpha’s. Also if th...
^^
Line 5, column 280, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...is less as compared to that of Alpha’s. Also if the number of employees are less the...
^^^^
Line 5, column 321, Rule ID: COMP_THAN[2]
Message: Comparison requires 'than', not 'then' nor 'as'.
Suggestion: than
...lso if the number of employees are less then the usage of all the amenities in the b...
^^^^
Line 5, column 413, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun expenses is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...will be less which again contributes to less expenses. Thus, such details must be me...
^^^^
Line 5, column 465, Rule ID: SO_AS_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'to'
Suggestion: to
...s. Thus, such details must be mentioned so as to clearly understand why the cost of expe...
^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 92, Rule ID: COMP_THAN[1]
Message: Comparison requires 'than', not 'then' nor 'as'.
Suggestion: than
...onsumption of the Zeta building is less as compared to that of Alpha. This may be ...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, if, may, so, then, thus, as to, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 25.0 19.6327345309 127% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 11.1786427146 36% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 16.0 13.6137724551 118% => OK
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 61.0 55.5748502994 110% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1829.0 2260.96107784 81% => OK
No of words: 401.0 441.139720559 91% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.56109725686 5.12650576532 89% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.47492842339 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.49295498047 2.78398813304 90% => OK
Unique words: 153.0 204.123752495 75% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.381546134663 0.468620217663 81% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 546.3 705.55239521 77% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 4.96107784431 161% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 37.4149240706 57.8364921388 65% => OK
Chars per sentence: 101.611111111 119.503703932 85% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.2777777778 23.324526521 96% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.88888888889 5.70786347227 68% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.129002786651 0.218282227539 59% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0529908201525 0.0743258471296 71% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.03625867966 0.0701772020484 52% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0742808245134 0.128457276422 58% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0346767023219 0.0628817314937 55% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.2 14.3799401198 78% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 66.07 48.3550499002 137% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.46 12.5979740519 75% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 6.93 8.32208582834 83% => OK
difficult_words: 56.0 98.500998004 57% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.