The following appeared as a recommendation by a committee planning a ten-year budget for the city of Calatrava.
"The birthrate in our city is declining: in fact, last year's birthrate was only one-half that of five years ago. Thus the number of students enrolled in our public schools will soon decrease dramatically, and we can safely reduce the funds budgeted for education during the next decade. At the same time, we can reduce funding for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities. As a result, we will have sufficient money to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults, since we can expect the adult population of the city to increase."
The author in the recommendation claims to reduce funding amount for education during the next decade because the birthrate of the last year was one-half that of five years ago, and to buttress this statement, the author assumes that the students enrolled in the public schools will soon decrease dramatically. Moreover, the author tends to cut short the funds for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities. Instead, the author claims to raise the fund for city facilities and programs used by adults, as the author thinks that the city's adult population will increase. However, while the conclusion drawn by the author might hold water, it rests on several unfounded assumptions that, if not substantiated, dramatically attenuates the persuasiveness of the argument. Therefore, the following points need attention.
Firstly, the author compares the birthrate of the last year with the birthrate of 5 years ago. This comparison does not stand on many solid grounds. The author might not have taken into consideration the overall population at both years. It might be possible that some 'X amount has increased the overall population of the city of Calatrava. For instance, if the city's population five years ago was 1 million, the city's current population might be 5 million. Thus, the increase in the population would have a significant impact on the budget, yet the birthrate is less than the previous years.
Secondly, the author has made an unfounded assumption that the enrolled students in public schools will decline. However, there are not any pieces of evidence by the author that will substantiate the above assumptions. If the author provided statistical data, it would be plausible for the readers and more convincing.
Furthermore, there might be a possibility that the people living in Calatrava may not be satisfied with the current budget plan, and it would be assiduous for the middle-class families to survive in the situation. As a result, it will not be feasible for the families to bear a child due to the increased cost of living.
A careful analysis exposes the loopholes present in the argument by the author. Consequently, the recommendation by the committee does not seem to be strong enough to corroborate the conclusion because all the reasons are dubious. Hence, the committee must rethink and should provide a logical and foolproof solution.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 385 350
No. of Characters: 1959 1500
No. of Different Words: 192 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.43 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.088 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.829 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 150 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 111 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 81 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 55 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.263 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.64 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.684 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.316 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.553 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.086 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, consequently, first, firstly, furthermore, hence, however, if, may, moreover, second, secondly, so, therefore, thus, while, for instance, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 15.0 28.8173652695 52% => OK
Preposition: 39.0 55.5748502994 70% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 16.3942115768 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2014.0 2260.96107784 89% => OK
No of words: 385.0 441.139720559 87% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.23116883117 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.4296068528 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.92910093983 2.78398813304 105% => OK
Unique words: 199.0 204.123752495 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.516883116883 0.468620217663 110% => OK
syllable_count: 612.9 705.55239521 87% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 0.0 4.22255489022 0% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 60.1614632639 57.8364921388 104% => OK
Chars per sentence: 106.0 119.503703932 89% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.2631578947 23.324526521 87% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.10526315789 5.70786347227 142% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 0.0 5.25449101796 0% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.278642884264 0.218282227539 128% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0773010849057 0.0743258471296 104% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.103141610926 0.0701772020484 147% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.128656863 0.128457276422 100% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.100670688513 0.0628817314937 160% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.3 14.3799401198 92% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 51.18 48.3550499002 106% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.05 12.5979740519 104% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.65 8.32208582834 104% => OK
difficult_words: 98.0 98.500998004 99% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.