In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
The graphs indicate the figures of deaths relation to flu, female recipients of new vaccine groups most at risk and flu rates for men as well as women in a large country town in 1996.
It can be clearly that the number of deaths for women was much bigger than that of for men. From March to May, this number belonged only to females, accounted for one death due to flu. This was reasonable when flu rate for women was ranged from around 800 to about 3000 cases between March to May. For two month, from June to August, the rate of flu reached a peak of 3500 cases for females and 2700 for males. Consequently, the number of deaths was 4 for women and 2 for women during the same period.
As for the pie chart, people were over 65 years of age vaccinated new vaccine was the most which made up 35%, followed by babies , constituted for 28%. By contrast, 13% was belonged to being hospitalized.
It is concluded that between June and August, females died of flue the most due to being highest the rate of flu. Old people were 65 years old got the most new vaccination compared to the types of people.
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Sentence: The graphs indicate the figures of deaths relation to flu, female recipients of new vaccine groups most at risk and flu rates for men as well as women in a large country town in 1996.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to deaths and relation
Sentence: It can be clearly that the number of deaths for women was much bigger than that of for men.
Description: The fragment be clearly that is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace clearly with adjective
Description: The token of is not usually followed by a preposition
Suggestion: Refer to of and for
Sentence: As for the pie chart, people were over 65 years of age vaccinated new vaccine was the most which made up 35, followed by babies , constituted for 28.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, post-determiner is not usually followed by a WH-determiner
Suggestion: Refer to most and which
Sentence: It is concluded that between June and August, females died of flue the most due to being highest the rate of flu.
Description: The tag an adjective, superlative is not usually followed by the
Suggestion: Refer to highest and the
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
Need to explain three graphs separately.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 10 10
No. of Words: 207 200
No. of Characters: 864 1000
No. of Different Words: 115 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.793 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.174 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.142 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 48 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 28 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 16 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 9 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.7 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.856 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.395 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.652 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.087 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4