In surveys Mason City residents rank water sports (swimming, boating and fishing) among their favorite recreational activities. The Mason River flowing through the city is rarely used for these pursuits, however, and the city park department devotes little of its budget to maintaining riverside recreational facilities. For years there have been complaints from residents about the quality of the river's water and the river's smell. In response, the state has recently announced plans to clean up Mason River. Use of the river for water sports is therefore sure to increase. The city government should for that reason devote more money in this year's budget to riverside recreational facilities.
The author of this article states that Mason City's residents have a penchant for water sports more than others, and despite the city having its own river, it is not used for such activities because it is not well maintained.
The author states that the authorities have received numerous complaints about the condition of the river and the odor that it gives off, and suggests that if the river's maintenance is invested in, it will result in an increase in water sports. The assumption here is that the individuals want it cleaned for the purpose of water sports, which may be an illegitimate claim. Perhaps the only reason they complained was because they wanted their environment ridden of squalid conditions and not necessarily to utilize the river as a form of entertainment.
Secondly, even if they did want to use the river for water sports, would cleaning it render it suitable for its use for sports? Swimming and boating are two sports, mentioned in the article, that require a person to move in the river. What if the river was infested with dangerous animals who could potentially harm the citizens. Will then cleaning be sufficient, to allow it to be used for such events?
Lastly, the author asserts that the government should allocate more of its budget for creating riverside recreational activities. The problem here resides in the fact, that this is just an assumption that people want the government to allocate resources in fixing the river. If some of the budget will be spent on this product, this means that the budget will have to be withdrawn from somewhere else. What if this is not what the people want. This may also mean their taxes will have to be increased, will that then make the people happy. Not necessarily, because no where can it be seen in this article that the citizens themselves put forth this argument.
To wrap it up, the author needs to carry out more research and incorporate more in this passage, clearly what the citizens want, in order to ensure what the best course of action will be.
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argument 1 -- not OK.
suggested:
Maybe the complaints are from those passengers, not sports lovers.
argument 2 -- not OK. it is out of topic.
suggested:
Maybe the river is turbulent, even if you clean it up, it couldn't be used for sports.
argument 3 -- not exactly.
Suggested:
Water sports (swimming, boating and fishing) are among their favorite recreational activities. It means there more sports than water sports. if more money are put to water sports, then there is no money for other recreational activities.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 353 350
No. of Characters: 1646 1500
No. of Different Words: 173 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.335 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.663 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.464 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 108 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 74 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 52 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 32 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.533 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.084 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.334 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.575 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.06 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5