The first chart below shows the resuluts of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they travelled abroad and why they travelled for the period 1994-98, The second chart shows their destinations over the same period.
The two bar charts give information about the journeys which were made by UK residents from 1994 to 1998.
According to the data given by the two bar charts, it can be clearly seen that the trend of total travellers is similar to that which describes a destination or a purpose of the visit.
Having analysis by the level of figures, the total number of visitors reach a fall in 1995 of 21610 people. The holidaymakers represent over 70% of the total residents in the UK which means that a majority of people spend their holiday abroad. Also, the visits to friends are preferred by over 2628 people each year. Two cases apart from the general tendency, are the business visits and other reasons. There is a slight growth of people who manage their business overseas during the 1990s, from 3155 to 3957.
Another thing to point out is that the destination trends are similar to the total number of visitors. The North America records the lowest number, about 914 people in 1995, followed be the other areas (18994) and Western Europe(19371).
In conclusion, more and more Britons spend their time visiting other countries.
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Sentence: The North America records the lowest number, about 914 people in 1995, followed be the other areas 18994 and Western Europe19371.
Description: The word records is not usually used as a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to records
Description: A verb, past participle is not usually followed by a verb 'to be', infinitive or imperative
Suggestion: Refer to followed and be
flaws:
Need to describe sentences more clearly, for example:
the trend of total travellers is similar to that which describes a destination or a purpose of the visit.
Another thing to point out is that the destination trends are similar to the total number of visitors.
So what is the trend?
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For this kind of essays with a lot of numbers, don't need to put exact numbers. Need more compare and contrast.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 10 10
No. of Words: 194 200
No. of Characters: 901 1000
No. of Different Words: 111 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.732 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.644 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.353 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 59 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 39 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 25 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 14 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.4 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.216 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.4 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.377 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.62 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.074 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 4