Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
In order to compare current generation with previous generations, we must consider variety of factors, but the argument is whether young people nowadays through this differance are more suitable to decide for themselves or they still are as depended on parents as their previous generation. I am of the conviction that modern young people are more qualified to make their own decisions, because they are affected by different factors, such as technology, education and wide social interaction.
Initially, I believe that technology is the most directed factors that released children from depedancy on their parents for decision making. In last decades, the young people suffered from available sources to obtain wiselly advices and guidence for making their choices. On the contrary, nowadays young people are faced themselves with tremendous reliable sources due to advanced technology. Modernized young people can search and collect lots of information and based on these valued data make a appropriate decision related to their situation. They can be aware of their consequences of their decision by reviewing same experiences of others.
Furthermore, In my point of view, education is another noticable factors for contributing young people to rely on themselves. most of the Previous generation did not achieve high level of education, so they must utilize their parents' experiences to overcome vicissitudes of decision making. In contrast, educations is extremely high valued factors for young people and almost everyone have been studying in high level degrees. Hence, they obtained extenssive knowledge in variety of fields and can make decision by their own based on their mind.
Last but not least, modern young people have high level social interaction and because of that they can communicate with others easily. Therefor, they know lots of experts in other fields and they can receive advices from these people instead of their parents, who might be irrelevant to the subject of their situation.
To Sum up, I advocate that young people achieve lots of beneficial from technology, education and social interaction that qualified them to make their own decisions.
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- TOEFL T P O 28 Integrated Writing Task 61
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Sentence: In order to compare current generation with previous generations, we must consider variety of factors, but the argument is whether young people nowadays through this differance are more suitable to decide for themselves or they still are as depended on parents as their previous generation.
Error: differance Suggestion: difference
Sentence: Initially, I believe that technology is the most directed factors that released children from depedancy on their parents for decision making.
Error: depedancy Suggestion: dependency
Sentence: In last decades, the young people suffered from available sources to obtain wiselly advices and guidence for making their choices.
Error: wiselly Suggestion: wisely
Error: guidence Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Furthermore, In my point of view, education is another noticable factors for contributing young people to rely on themselves. most of the Previous generation did not achieve high level of education, so they must utilize their parents' experiences to overcome vicissitudes of decision making.
Error: noticable Suggestion: noticeable
Sentence: Hence, they obtained extenssive knowledge in variety of fields and can make decision by their own based on their mind.
Error: extenssive Suggestion: extensive
flaws:
No. of Different Words: 163 200 //Need more different words.
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
it has duplicated content. Don't need to list reasons in introduction and conclusion both.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 339 350
No. of Characters: 1802 1500
No. of Different Words: 163 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.291 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.316 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.694 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 144 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 115 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 79 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 49 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.077 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.068 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.615 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.39 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.631 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.102 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5