“The following was used as part of an internet advertising company’s appeal to businesses: Furniture Depot employed our internet advertising company to help. Since then its sales increased by 10% over last year’s totals. Furniture Depot’s success demonstrates how using our internet services can increase your profitability. ”
The internet advertising company is trying to appeal to businesses by citing an example of a certain "Furniture Depot", enjoying an increase in 10% of their sale compared to last year. Although this argument might sound a lucrative way of increasing ones' profitability through enhanced popularity there is some fact missing in the argument which might lead to loss of credibility of the argument.
Firstly, the Furniture Depot has experienced a 10% increase in sales over last year, and during this time they have taken the services of the above mentioned internet service providing company, but nothing is mentioned about the timeframe of the use of internet advertising. If the timeframe is not sufficiently large enough compared to one year timeline, then 10% increase in sales cannot be attributed to the internet advertising company. Secondly, there is no definitive proof of how wide is the reach of their advertisement or in what sites they advertise their adds. So, one cannot judge simply from the argument how much the advertising company has contribution in the increase in the sales. Finally, the best way to advertise the contribution of the advertising company is to portray how many people have clicked on the advertisement and enquired about the Furniture company. Also, there is nothing mentioned about their way of advertising.
Instead of simply stating the percentage increase in sales of Furniture Depot, it could have undertaken a more detailed approach. They could formulated their argument in a more better way by mentioning some more numbers of the above mentioned categories, for example- "Furniture Depot have been using our services, for 9 months. During this time 10,000 people have visited our add. We advertise in all popular websites in an attractive, colorful way which attracts customers. Furniture Depot has seen a rise of their sales over last year by 10%."
So, it can be concluded although the argument is giving a promise of increase of profitability. Lack of numbers and details is rendering its argument weak. A more number oriented and detailed argument would have been better.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 343 350
No. of Characters: 1735 1500
No. of Different Words: 158 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.304 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.058 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.831 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 126 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 108 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 82 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.438 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.981 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.35 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.543 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.087 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 196, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Although” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...0% of their sale compared to last year. Although this argument might sound a lucrative w...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 62, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ting the percentage increase in sales of Furniture Depot, it could have undertake...
^^
Line 5, column 143, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: 'formulate'
Suggestion: formulate
...en a more detailed approach. They could formulated their argument in a more better way by ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 174, Rule ID: MOST_COMPARATIVE[2]
Message: Use only 'better' (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
Suggestion: better
...ey could formulated their argument in a more better way by mentioning some more numbers of ...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 558, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...their sales over last year by 10%.' So, it can be concluded although the arg...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 159, Rule ID: MOST_COMPARATIVE[2]
Message: Use only 'number' (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
Suggestion: number
...tails is rendering its argument weak. A more number oriented and detailed argument would ha...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, firstly, if, second, secondly, so, then, for example
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 2.0 13.6137724551 15% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 18.0 28.8173652695 62% => OK
Preposition: 53.0 55.5748502994 95% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1806.0 2260.96107784 80% => OK
No of words: 343.0 441.139720559 78% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.26530612245 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.30351707066 4.56307096286 94% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.99601516923 2.78398813304 108% => OK
Unique words: 168.0 204.123752495 82% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.489795918367 0.468620217663 105% => OK
syllable_count: 587.7 705.55239521 83% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 64.0408203154 57.8364921388 111% => OK
Chars per sentence: 120.4 119.503703932 101% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.8666666667 23.324526521 98% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.26666666667 5.70786347227 92% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.364919567843 0.218282227539 167% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.124014253532 0.0743258471296 167% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.109483336288 0.0701772020484 156% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.21139121953 0.128457276422 165% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.110105224046 0.0628817314937 175% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.8 14.3799401198 103% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 40.69 48.3550499002 84% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.1 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.58 12.5979740519 108% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.41 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 80.0 98.500998004 81% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 19.5 12.3882235529 157% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.